


Two Halves Always Find Each Other

by wafflenull



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn, Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst, Character Death, F/F, F/M, HIV/AIDS, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2018-12-18 11:29:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11873439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflenull/pseuds/wafflenull
Summary: A Marvin x Whizzer fic based on the myth in The Origin of Love from Hedwig and the Angry Inch





	1. Lyrics to The Origin of Love and Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @wafflenull

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the lyrics from MetroLyrics.

The Origin of Love - Hedwig and the Angry Inch

When the earth was still flat,  
And the clouds made of fire,  
And mountains stretched up to the sky,  
Sometimes higher,  
Folks roamed the earth  
Like big rolling kegs.  
They had two sets of arms.  
They had two sets of legs.  
They had two faces peering  
Out of one giant head  
So they could watch all around them  
As they talked; while they read.  
And they never knew nothing of love.  
It was before the origin of love.

The origin of love

And there were three sexes then,  
One that looked like two men  
Glued up back to back,  
Called the children of the sun.  
And similar in shape and girth  
Were the children of the earth.  
They looked like two girls  
Rolled up in one.  
And the children of the moon  
Were like a fork shoved on a spoon.  
They were part sun, part earth  
Part daughter, part son.

The origin of love

Now the gods grew quite scared  
Of our strength and defiance  
And Thor said,  
"I'm gonna kill them all  
With my hammer,  
Like I killed the giants."  
And Zeus said, "No,  
You better let me  
Use my lightening, like scissors,  
Like I cut the legs off the whales  
And dinosaurs into lizards."  
Then he grabbed up some bolts  
And he let out a laugh,  
Said, "I'll split them right down the middle.  
Gonna cut them right up in half."  
And then storm clouds gathered above  
Into great balls of fire

And then fire shot down  
From the sky in bolts  
Like shining blades  
Of a knife.  
And it ripped  
Right through the flesh  
Of the children of the sun  
And the moon  
And the earth.  
And some Indian god  
Sewed the wound up into a hole,  
Pulled it round to our belly  
To remind us of the price we pay.  
And Osiris and the gods of the Nile  
Gathered up a big storm  
To blow a hurricane,  
To scatter us away,  
In a flood of wind and rain,  
And a sea of tidal waves,  
To wash us all away,  
And if we don't behave  
They'll cut us down again  
And we'll be hopping round on one foot  
And looking through one eye.

Last time I saw you  
We had just split in two.  
You were looking at me.  
I was looking at you.  
You had a way so familiar,  
But I could not recognize,  
Cause you had blood on your face;  
I had blood in my eyes.  
But I could swear by your expression  
That the pain down in your soul  
Was the same as the one down in mine.  
That's the pain,  
Cuts a straight line  
Down through the heart;  
We called it love.  
So we wrapped our arms around each other,  
Trying to shove ourselves back together.  
We were making love,  
Making love.  
It was a cold dark evening,  
Such a long time ago,  
When by the mighty hand of Jove,  
It was the sad story  
How we became  
Lonely two-legged creatures,  
It's the story of  
The origin of love.  
That's the origin of love.

Prologue

Two souls. One body. Two sets of arms. One body. Two sets of legs. One body. Two faces. One body. 

In fear of these creatures, Zeus split them in two, weakening them. Little did Zeus know, he had not only condemned them to a life of searching for their other half, but to an emotion that was worth the long search. An emotion that made the waiting and the looking and the longing and the desire worth it. An emotion called love. This was the origin of love.


	2. Chapter One - Two Halves of Different Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marvin discovers Plato's The Symposium as his parents argue once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for parents fighting. (It's basically the entire chapter)
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @wafflenull

Marvin reached for the deck set between his mother and him. Jack of hearts. Grabbing the Queen and King of the same suit, he placed the three cards next to the rest of his points. Setting his last card on the discard pile, he threw a grin at his mother. “I win,” Marvin said, gloating an unhealthy amount.

His mother threw her cards onto the discard pile after counting how many points to subtract from her total. Marvin didn’t see the three aces in her hand and the four of clubs to go with his three fours. He didn’t see that she had let him win. Like always. 

Marvin wrote their scores onto the piece of paper, with Rummy 500 scrawled on the top, as his mother dealt another round. Putting down the pen and picking up his cards, he heard the door open. His father. He glanced towards the door and then at his mother. He couldn’t run away, they were in the middle of the game and his mother wouldn’t let him. He calmly drew a card from the deck, hoping they wouldn’t start shouting again.

“That’s fine,” Marvin heard from the front door, along with the rustling of plastic bags. “I don’t need any help,” he said as he passed them and made his way to the kitchen. The sarcasm slashed at Marvin’s heart. He sprung up to help with the bags but his father shoved him off. It didn’t hurt. Marvin’s father would never dare hurt him or his mother. “It’s too late now,” his father offered, a slight edge to his voice.

“Sorry,” Marvin mumbled, before going back to the coffee table where his mother sat with the cards. He smiled as he said, “Did you look at my cards?”

She laughed. “I did not. I don’t need to cheat to win,” his mother said.

It was Marvin’s turn to laugh. “You’ve never won,” Marvin teased. His mother smiled.

“What are you guys playing?” His father asked. His mother’s smile dropped slightly. Marvin noticed. He noticed all the small movements as they interacted. The twitched of the jaw. The fraction of an inch they’d step back. The curling of the fist. Nothing went unnoticed. That’s why he preferred to not be in the room. Then he would only hear and not see.

“Rummy five hundred,” his mother replied, matching the edge his father had before. His father rolled his eyes. He thought games were pointless. Marvin’s feet itched to run away. He always ran. He hated that about himself.

“Are you guys going to fight?” He asked. Then he mentally beat himself up. Why would I say that, he asked himself. Why? Now they will fight.

“That depends on whether your mother has done something productive today?” His father said. Damnit. Now you’ve really done it, Marvin. 

His mother laughed mirthlessly, throwing her cards on the table, face up. Marvin now saw the points in her hand, knew she wasn’t putting them down. “If I’ve done anything productive? What about you?” She said, standing up.

“I just got the groceries,” he said, his eyes unblinking. He waved his arm towards the kitchen, his face reddening.

“The first time in forever,” his mother mumbled. His father took a step towards her. Then they both glanced at Marvin,  
\- “Go to you room.”  
\- “Your room, Marvin.”

Marvin was more than happy to leave. His feet ran up the stairs and his hands grasped the door handle. His eyes pressed shut as he sat down on the bed. Opening them, he walked to his desk to get his—“Crap,” he muttered. He had left his headphones downstairs. 

“I do everything in this house!”

He turned to the book shelf. Maybe reading will take my mind off of it, he thought, desperately. He hated reading. He grabbed one of the shorter ones. The Symposium by Plato.

“It’s as if you don’t even want to be here!”  
“I do, but not for you. I’m here for Marvin!”

He quickly plopped on his bed, opened the book, and held his hands to his ears.

You don’t hear anything. You don’t hear anything. You don’t hear anything. You don’t hear anything. You don’t hear anything. You don’t hear anything. You don’t hear anything. You don’t hear anything. You don’t hear anything. You don’t hear anything. You don’t—  
—“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”

Marvin stopped chanting and barely heard what his parents were shouting. He kept reading. Not catching the weird and complicated names and honestly, not caring. It’s not like the names mattered. What mattered was what was being said, not who said it.

—“Love is born into every human being; it calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature.” 

Marvin laughed out loud. His parents didn’t seem to have any love for each other “born into them.” They definitely weren’t two halves of one whole. Not that he believed that this story was even true. Though he wanted to. He wanted to believe, but his parents disproved the existence of love every day. With every look. With every word. With every argument. With every "Go to you room,” and “Your room, Marvin.” Not that he minded, they were preparing him for the truth. Love is a fantasy.

“I’ve had it! I’m going to bed!” He heard his father shout. More proof.

****

Every time his parents fought, he opened Plato’s book and reread the words he’d read so many times. Words about finding love, finding one’s other half, words that he would never forget. He’d never forget, but he’d also never believe.

Until one night. Until one fight.  
\- “Go to you room.”  
\- “Your room, Marvin.”

So he went to his room. So he opened the book. So he read what Plato wrote. 

“I can’t believe you! I asked for one thing!”

“Well, so did I!”

“No, you didn’t! I can't read you mind, you know!”

Marvin’s father’s response didn't come for a minute. But when it did, his attention was torn from his book.

“Ten years ago!”

Ten years?

Marvin’s mother was silent and his father continued. “Exactly ten years. I asked you to love me! That was it and you couldn’t keep your word!”

His mother’s response was quieter, but loud enough for him to hear through the floor. “I guess I couldn’t. But neither could you.”

“Guess not. Good night.”

“Good night.”

Marvin stayed on his bed, the book open and his light on, for an hour, just thinking. If somebody would ask an older Marvin what he was thinking, he’d be able to tell you every single thought. But the only one that is worth retelling is:

Maybe it’s not that love's a fantasy. Maybe my parents’ love is a fantasy. Maybe they're two halves of different things. Maybe love is real. Maybe it’s just hard to find.

He closed the book and shoved it under his pillow where it belonged. He shut off his light and laid down in bed. Closing his eyes, he whispered, “I’ll find my other half. I’ll have it all. I’ll win. I’ll have loving family. I’ll have a loving, tight-knit family. I won’t be my parents,” and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's still pretty short but the story just started. the chapters should get longer. the second chapter is already in the works and longer than this one


	3. Chapter Two - His Parents' Mistakes Repeated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marvin marries Trina, and they have Jason.  
> Marvin does not enjoy be married to Trina but he wants a family.  
> (Mendel is introduced)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an fyi, there are mentions of sex, but nothing is described in detail. 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @wafflenull

Marvin knew he shouldn’t be doing this. But he was. Trina wasn’t his other half. He knew that. But he had waited 20 years for his other half. He was 28 now and didn’t have a strong urge to spend the rest of his life alone. As bad as it sounded, and he knew it sounded it bad, Trina was there. She was there and willing to marry him. 

He stood at the end of the aisle, waiting. Waiting to make the same mistake his parents made. But there was no backing out now. 

“I promise to love you.” I can’t, he thought.

“I promise to love you.” You won’t, he thought.

“I do.” It’s definitely too late to back out now.

“I do.” I can’t believe I’m doing this to you.

****

Trina was squeezing his hand, possibly snapping his bones in half, but Marvin didn’t mind. He was getting a little girl today.

“One more push,” the doctor said.

“I can’t,” she said, tears welling in her eyes. Marvin was about to make the “yes, you can and you will” speech that is in every movie, when Trina’s jaw set and she held onto his hand even more. “Yes, I can,” she said. Trina was a fighter.

Out came one disgusting little baby. “It’s a boy,” said the doctor. Marvin was taken off guard but he didn’t care. At all. His little boy. He wouldn’t do to him what his parents did to him. He would pretend to be in love so that his son would believe. Because it’s not some fantasy, it’s real. It’s just that Marvin didn’t find it. He gave up.

****

Jason was sound asleep and Marvin knew what would come. And it did. Trina came into the bedroom and smiled at him. She was always smiling. She climbed onto the bed and started kissing him. Marvin kissed back, desperately seeking an excuse to get out of this. And to stay in his pants. 

Trina’s hands started to roam and Marvin cringed inwardly. He couldn’t do this. He pulled away. Trina looked hurt. She was hurt, a question in her eyes. Will we ever again?

Marvin searched for a lie. “I have work early tomorrow. I’m sorry. I have to sleep.”

This time she said the question out loud, instead of swallowing it and going to sleep. “Will we ever again?” She paused. “We haven’t since I got pregnant with Jason. And we only did that because we wanted a child. You didn’t want to have sex.” She paused again. “You never want to have sex.”

“Yes, I do!” Marvin interjected, trying to save her ego.

“Not with me,” she said. “I thought you loved me.” Mumbling that, she rolled onto her side.

“Love isn’t sex, Trina,” Marvin said, desperate for her to believe that he loved her. He wanted to love her. He really did. He wanted to be str— That’s a thought for another time. When his very female partner isn’t lying next to him.

****

“Hey, Jason, buddy, why don’t you head up to your room?” Marvin said, sensing the tension between him and Trina. He couldn’t believe he was saying that. He promised himself he wouldn’t let this happen. It’s just once, he bargained with himself. He’s not in the house otherwise. It’s fine. He won’t know.

“Okay,” he said, and seven year old Jason pattered off to his room in socks that were way too big for him. They were probably Marvin’s. He didn’t mind. He got everything from Trina, so having Jason wear his socks was surprisingly comforting for Marvin.

“I asked you to do the dishes. You know I was busy. I come home to a mess every day,” Trina began, no animosity in her voice, simply disappointment. Somehow, that hurt Marvin more.

“I was working,” Marvin rebutted, knowing it was pretty weak.

“You came home hours ago,” Trina said, sighing.

“I forgot,” Marvin offered. He hadn’t forgotten. He thought he had time.

“First, it’s you were working. Then, it’s you forgot. Marvin, which one is the truth? Are is neither of them true?” Trina turned on the water. Marvin remained silent. “That’s what I thought,” Trina said, and started doing the dishes. Marvin went to their room and grabbed his book, the same one he opened that one night as an eight year old boy. He read a couple lines. He really thought he’d find his other half. He thought he’d find love. He thought a lot of things. He broke off his train of thought and returned to his book.

\- “He whom loves touches not walks in darkness.” He wasn’t in total darkness. One beacon shone in the darkness: his love for his son. He may not have found romantic love but he still had the familial love for his son. (If only Jason loved him as much as he loved Trina. Or even at all)

****

Marvin sat, playing Rummy 500 with Jason (this was before he got into chess and deemed it “incredibly boring”), when Trina came into the room.

“Rummy 500 again?” Trina asked, smiling.

“Yes,” Marvin said, putting down his points. He remembered his mother holding her points and letting him win. Now, he couldn’t even let his kid win. He told himself he was toughening up Jason, but deep down he knew he couldn’t lose if he had the ability to win. He put his last card on the discard pile, ending that round. He had more points than Jason.

Trina’s smile faltered as she glanced at the score sheet. She believed that Marvin should let Jason win sometimes. Marvin never told her his mother would hold her points. Marvin never told her much about his childhood. Too much baggage she wouldn’t ever care about, he thought to himself.

After Jason went to bed, they were both in their room, Marvin reading and Trina sitting there. Marvin could tell she was working up the nerve to say what was on her mind. 

“Yes?” Marvin asked.

“I don’t see why you can’t hold some points. I don’t know, let him win. He’s eight years old. He’ll end up hating the game.”

Marvin shook his head. “I’m just toughening him up. Plus, he loves the game, he won’t ever hate it.” (Turns out he did.)

“Are you toughening him up like you are me?” Trina muttered to himself.

Marvin closed his book in shock. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t do this. You wouldn’t have brought it up if you didn’t want to talk about it,” Marvin countered. “And obviously, you’re not talking about card games.”

Trina sighed and pulled the blanket up to her chin. “It’s been months since we,” she trailed off.

Marvin closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, cautious to make it inaudible as to not let Trina hear, he leaned over and pressed his lips to hers.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Work’s been hard, that’s all.” 

She pulled away. “You don’t have to,” she said.

“I want to,” he lied. He began kissing her again. 

 

"Hey, it’s fine,” Trina said, rubbing his back.

“Yeah, okay," Marvin said. Her being a woman and all, it’s pretty difficult for him to get it...up. 

“We’ll try again. It happens to everybody,” Trina reassured him.

Certainly, every gay guy, Marvin thought. “Okay,” Marvin said instead.

****

“How’s your sex life?” Mendel asked.

Marvin gave him a look. “We’ve talked about this before. Not particularly good.”

“Her being a woman?” Mendel asked. Mendel was the only person Marvin was out to.

“No, her being a squid,” Marvin said. He still didn’t understand why Mendel still treated him. If he were Mendel, he would have sent himself to another psychiatrist after the first session as to not have to deal with him.

“That's an interesting development on that front,” Mendel said. He pretended to make a note. “Trina equals squid,” he muttered, as his pen floated just above the paper.

“I think it’s time we changed the subject,” Marvin said, rolling his eyes.

“Yes,” he said, placing his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands.

“As usual, Jason hates me,” Marvin said, thinking of breakfast how Jason avoided looking at Marvin at all costs. The only time they ever spent together was playing cards, and that was because Jason didn’t have anybody else to play with. He had no friends. And Trina didn’t know how to play.

“We’ve talked about that before. Let’s wander into new territory,” Mendel said, miming an arch with his hands in the air.

Marvin rolled his eyes. “What now?”

“Let’s talk about what you actually want—“

“We’ve talked about that before as well,” Marvin deadpanned.

“Yes, and you cut me off then just as now,” Mendel said, giving Marvin a look.

“Fine,” Marvin said, crossing his arms.

“What’d we say about that,” Mendel said. He grabbed Marvin’s arms, uncrossing them. “We don’t close ourselves off here.”

Marvin rolled his eyes again. He rolled his eyes often at his psychiatrist’s. Maybe he should find a new one. He’d never actually. Unless, Mendel started dating his ex or something. But that would never happen.

“So, back to the point. What do you want? And try not to use the words ‘tight-knit family.’ Try different words. Words that haven’t been in your head since you were eight,” Mendel said, leaning back and raising his pen.

“I guess,” he paused. “I want a son that loves me. I want a son that likes me. I want a person to come home to and not having to lie about not wanting to sleep with them, because I will want to. I want love. I want,” Marvin paused again.

“A man," Mendel finished.

“A man,” Marvin repeated.

“You know, ‘love is simply the name for the desire and pursuit of the whole,’” Mendel read from his notebook.

“You can’t just look up quotes from the book and throw them out there. You don’t even know what that means,” Marvin said, crossing his arms again. Mendel glanced at Marvin’s crossed arms but didn’t undo them.

“That may be so, but you know what it means. Think about ‘the whole.’ What’s your ‘whole?’” Mendel said.

"I just told you that,” Marvin said.

“No, you didn’t. I told you that,” Mendel said. He glanced at his watch, assuming Marvin was done and announced that time was up. (Mendel actually gave Marvin twenty more minutes than he should have.)

He didn’t hear Marvin mumble, “My whole is being whole, finding my other half,” and Marvin was glad the other man didn’t hear.

***

“How was therapy?” Trina asked, when he entered the kitchen that same day.

“It was alright,” Marvin answered.

“So, Jason’s at a school thing,” Trina started.

“I actually have to work late.”

“You’re at home right now,” Trina said.

“But I’m also leaving right now,” Marvin said. He grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl. He bit into it and it made that satisfying noise. Trina stared at his lips, now covered in fruit juice. Marvin wiped his mouth. “I have to go,” he said.

Trina’s eyes snapped to Marvin’s. “Sure.”

Marvin grabbed his messenger bag and the car keys. He went out the door and drove off in the car. “Great,” he mumbled. “Where am I supposed to go now?” He threw his apple core out his window.

 

After driving around for fifteen minutes, he found himself in front of a book store. He decided to go in, having nothing better to do. He went straight for the classics section and looked at The Symposium by Plato and felt anger well up inside of him. How could he have trusted some old philosopher guy. Love isn’t real. Even his own son didn’t love him.

Out of spite, Marvin grabbed the book. He waited impatiently in line, wanting pay and get out of there.

Having paid and said a curt, “Have a nice day,” Marvin threw the book onto the passenger seat and drove to the nearest gas station and bought a lighter. Then he made his way to the park, rage still bubbling in his chest. 

“Screw you, Plato!” Marvin shouted, setting the book aflame. He watched it burn in his hand as he held it over the trash can. 

His rage subsided and he realized what he was doing. He threw the book to the asphalt and stomped out the fire. Before throwing the book into the trashcan, he inspected it closely to make sure the fire was completely out. He didn’t want to start a fire in the trash can. 

He walked back to his car and drove back home. He hadn’t wasted more than an hour and Jason probably wouldn’t be home. Now he’d have to try and have sex with Trina again.

He walked in the door and saw Jason sitting on the sofa. He felt bad for feeling relieved.

When would he free himself from this curse? Probably never. It wasn’t fair to Trina, but there was nothing else out there and he wanted a family. Even if he didn’t love his wife and his son didn’t love him, he wanted a family. Plato was both wrong and right. Everybody is half of something, but their other half does not exist. Everybody’s just a bunch of halves of different things desperately trying to fit together, to be something whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Kudos and Comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> Whizzer appears next chapter. :0


	4. Chapter Three - Not Just Groceries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marvin meets Whizzer at the grocery store and is oddly drawn to him. He struggles with not loving Trina, Jason not loving him, and his anger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this! It's really interesting to explore Marvin's character.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @wafflenull 
> 
> I didn't proofread this so bear with me...

Jason was running around the house, clearly looking for something. He ran into the laundry room and then to his bedroom, from there to wherever Trina was and back to the laundry room.

“Jason, bud. What are you looking for?” Marvin asked, intercepting him on his way to his bedroom.

Jason threw Marvin a look before saying, “Socks.” Marvin remembered little Jason pattering off in Marvin’s socks.

“I have a pair you can use,” Marvin said, turning towards his and Trina’s room.

“I don’t want your socks, Dad. That’s weird," Jason said, before walking around Marvin towards his bedroom. Marvin stood there for five seconds before shaking his head and going to the kitchen.

“I’m going to need you to get the groceries today,” Trina said, her back to Marvin.

Marvin nodded and realized she couldn’t see him. “Okay,” he said. Trina turned, grabbed a piece of paper off the fridge, and shoved it in Marvin’s hand.

****

“Eggs, eggs. Where the hell are the eggs?” Mavin said, looking in various aisles and a basket slung over his arm.

Still in the completely wrong aisle, he heard a voice that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He found himself trying to straighten out the nonexistent wrinkles on his sweater.

“If you need any help,” Marvin heard the voice say. “And it doesn’t need to be grocery-related.” Marvin found himself chuckling.

He walked into the aisle he heard the voice coming from, running a hand through his hair. He saw his back first and something started pulling him towards him. Marvin however stood transfixed, staring.

The man turned around and his eyes locked on Marvin’s. They stood staring for a while, both undeniably feeling the pull between them. Words snaked into Marvin’s mind, “Children of the Sun.” On his last day, the man would tell Marvin he had those same words in his mind despite never having heard of The Symposium.

Marvin finally broke eye contact and his eyes found the man’s name tag. “Whizzer,” Marvin said aloud. He couldn’t keep his laugh in. Whizzer smiled. “That's quite the name,” Marvin said. “Were your parents high while naming you?”

Whizzer laughed. “Probably. They refused to tell me about the naming process.”

“That’s code for, ‘we don’t remember because we were as high as kites,’” Marvin said, smiling wider than he had in months. Years, even.

Whizzer laughed again before saying, “Do you actually need any help or are you just here to insult my name?”

Marvin felt oddly embarrassed. He hoped Whizzer wasn’t taking the teasing too hard. “Yes, actually. Where the hell are the eggs?”

Whizzer stared at him for a second. “To your left,” he said very slowly.

Marvin was even more embarrassed now. He grabbed the eggs and placed them into the basket. “Well, I better be off,” Marvin said, giving a curt nod.

“So you get to know my name, and I don’t get to know yours?” Whizzer said, the flirting not lost on Marvin. He considered not telling him; nothing could come of it anyway. He was married.

He only turned his head, “Marvin,” and then walked away. He went to pay, light-headed the entire time. He left the store with something he didn't have when he entered, and it wasn’t the groceries. It was a part of himself.

Sitting in the car, he put the bag in the passenger seat and grabbed the piece of paper out of his jacket. “Crap,” Marvin muttered. He only got three things off of the list. “I’m an idiot,” he said. He stepped out of the car and slammed the door shut. “What a freakin idiot,” he muttered.

Going back inside, most of him hoped he’d see Whizzer again, but part of him didn’t want to. Unfortunately, the majority of him was disappointed because Marvin didn’t run into Whizzer as he grabbed the rest of the items on the list.

****

After putting away all the groceries, Marvin made his way to his and Trina’s room, reached all the way into the back of their closet and grabbed the book. Sitting on the bed, his heart felt... weird.

He read it cover to cover and then one more time. His mind and heart was filled with Whizzer. His hair looked as a soft as silk, perfect, and Marvin had noticed the hairline but somehow that made Whizzer even better. His arrogant yet soft smile made Marvin want to melt into a puddle. Whizzer’s eyes, determined and beautiful, were hard to look away from and all Marvin wanted was to see them again.

“No!” He all but grunted, throwing the book against the wall. He thought back to the park, the burning book, and felt his skin crawl. When had he let his anger take over his mind.

He got up and grabbed the book again. He put it back into the back of the closet and went downstairs. 

“Mendel,” he said into the phone. “I need to schedule another session, as soon as possible.”

“My client just cancelled on me,” Mendel said, “I have an hour window in thirty minutes.”

“I’ll be there,” Marvin said, before hanging up the phone.

****

“Woah, woah, woah. Marvin, back up. You can’t start in the middle of the story and expect me to understand,” Mendel said, waving his hand in Marvin’s face.

Marvin—surprise, surprise—crossed his arms. He felt himself closing up. Mendel gave him “the look” and uncrossed his arms.

“Fine,” Marvin muttered. “Trina sent me to get groceries and at the store I meant somebody.”

“A man? This Whizzum?” Mendel asked.

“Whizzer,” Marvin said, glaring. “It’s not that weird of a name.” Marvin didn’t know why he was defending this man’s name, when he had been making fun of it himself.

“Whizzer," Mendel repeated, making a note. “Continue.”

“You know, that’s not actually why I’m here,” Marvin said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Mendel looked up from his notebook, crossing his legs. “Then why are you here? I cancelled a patient for you.”

Marvin’s jaw dropped. “You said a patient cancelled on you,” he said.

“Did I?” He genuinely seemed to think about it. “The patient just complains about people asking for money. There’s nothing I can do for them.” Marvin just stared. “So tell me, why are you really here?” Mendel asked.

“Anger.”

“Ah yes. I’ve noticed that theme in your laments,” Mendel said, matter-of-factly.

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” Marvin asked, resisting the urge to cross his arms. What was so wrong about it anyway? He was still talking, wasn’t he?

“I find that when it comes to anger that it’s better they realize it themselves or they’ll just deny it,” Mendel explained.

“Fair enough," Marvin said. “Well, anyway, I kind of bought a book just to burn it.”

“What book?” Mendel asked.

“Does it matter?”

“Now I know it does,” Mendel said, giving Marvin a smirk.

Marvin glared at him. Mendel was good at his job, but sometimes he was just downright annoying. “It was The Symposium.”

“Do you ever not think about that book?” Mendel asked. “You found it as a child. Maybe it’s time to move on. It seems to be the origin of a lot of anger. Or at least what you associate with the book.”

“I suppose, you’re right. But how do you stop thinking about something you’ve had in the back of your mind for more than twenty years?” Marvin said.

“Start by not reading the book,” Mendel suggested.

After the session, Marvin went home and read it again.

****

“Do you want to?” Trina asked.

“I have an assignment from Mendel,” Marvin said. As Trina made her way to the bathroom, Marvin fetched the book from the back of the closet. Not even Trina knew the book was back there (or so he thought).

“What’s the assignment?” Trina called from the bathroom.

“To read a book,” Marvin said.

“How’s that supposed to help?”

“He said it would help with anger. I’m just doing what Mendel told me to,” Marvin lied. “I’ll be in the living room.” Marvin didn't wait for Trina’s, “Okay,” before leaving their room.

Halfway through the book, Marvin heard sniffing down the hall. Soon after Jason came out. Marvin could tell he’d been crying. Marvin stood up and walked up to Jason, placing his hands on his shoulders. “You okay, bud?”

“Where’s Mom?" Jason asked, instead of answering the question. It felt like something ripped through his heart. To make matters worse, Jason shrugged off Marvin’s hands.

“She’s asleep. You can tell me what's wrong,” Marvin said.

Jason shook his head. “It’s fine.” Marvin could see another tear slip down his son’s face and it broke his heart. Marvin wiped the tear off Jason’s face and Jason shoved his hand away.

“Stop it,” Jason said. “You don’t need to pretend.”

Marvin was caught off-guard. “Pretend what?” He was desperate. He loved his son and just wanted his son to love him back. Hell, even just talk to him when he was clearly upset. Marvin wanted his son to trust him.

“You know what,” Jason said.

Marvin went to touch Jason’s cheek but he let his arm drop back to his side. He couldn’t take being shoved away again. “Mom might be awake. Why don’t you go check?” Marvin said, holding his own tears back.

“Why don’t I?” Jason returned.

Marvin watched his son walk away from him and to his mother. The only reason Jason even talked to him at this point was because they lived in the same house. Marvin remembered the day of Jason’s birth, the promise of a loving family. A promise now broken.

Marvin went into the kitchen and grabbed the eggs and butter out of the fridge. Pulling out a pan and setting it on the stove, he started cooking up some eggs. He let his mind wander. To Whizzer. He could imagine touching Whizzer’s cheek, running his fingertip down to his jawline. He could imagine looking into Whizzer’s eyes for hours, never getting bored. He could imagine running his hands through the hairline, the only physical imperfection on that man.

He was pulled out of his reverie by the smell of burnt eggs. “To your left.” He had drawn out his words, emphasizing each syllable. Marvin shook his head. “Not right now,” Marvin muttered to himself. 

He threw out the burnt eggs and scrubbed the pan. After cleaning up the rest, he went back to the sofa. He didn’t even know why he was making eggs; he wasn’t hungry. He read a little more before heading back to his room. He hovered outside the door as he heard Jason crying and Trina murmuring soothing words. Why couldn’t Jason open up to him?

“I’m so sorry you’re married to Dad,” he heard Jason say. His already broken heart hurt even more.

“Shhh, honey. I’m not sorry. I love your Dad,” Trina assured him. Marvin was filled with guilt.

“He doesn’t love you,” Jason replied.

“Of course he does,” Trina said. No, he doesn’t. 

Marvin couldn’t take it anymore. He went into the bathroom and started the shower. He stared into mirror as he brushed his teeth. He could see the bags under his eyes. Guilt sat on his shoulders, whispering phrases into his mind that slowly brought him to tears. He could feel them slip down his cheeks. Some gathered at the corner of his mouth, leaving a salty taste in his mouth and he swept his tongue along his lips. He drew his eyebrows together, staring into the mirror. He slammed his fist onto the sink. He paused, transfixed, fist still on the porcelain. He stared at his hand. He should have listened to Mendel and not read the book. “Why can’t I do anything right?” He whispered.

He stepped into the shower and let images of Whizzer fill his mind. He’d feel guilty for it later. Right now he just wanted to feel good.

****

“Back again so soon?” Mendel said, peeking his head out of his office.

“This is a scheduled appointment. I’m always here at this time,” Marvin said. He stood up and entered Mendel’s office.

“So, you read the book again?” Mendel asked.

Marvin hesitated. “Yes.”

“And did you do something?” Mendel asked, pulling out his notebook.

“Nothing drastic. I just slammed my fist on the sink,” Marvin said, quietly.

“And what does that have to do with the book?” Mendel asked, propping his pen against the paper.

“I was reciting the lines in my mind. And I wasn’t thinking of Trina,” Marvin said.

“Were you thinking of Whizzer?” 

“Yes.” Marvin paused. “Just after I heard my son say he feels sorry for his mother because she’s married to me and I don’t love her. Maybe that’s why he hates me. But I can’t just start loving her. And obviously, the charades don’t work on him," Marvin rambled.

“Why don’t you be honest with Trina? Tell her how you feel.” Mendel leaned back in his chair.

Marvin stared at him. “I can’t. You know I want a family. I don’t want to lose Jason.”

“But you’re fine losing Trina?” Mendel asked.

“Yes! No! Of course not,” Marvin said. “I wouldn’t mind losing her as my wife and keeping her as a friend.” Marvin shook his head as his eyes dropped to the floor. “But that’s not possible. This marriage is for the long run.”

“And what about Whizzer?” Mendel said, pointing his pen at Marvin.

“What about him?” Marvin asked, suspicious.

“You clearly have some sort of feelings for the man,” Mendel said.

“But nothing could ever come of it. I’m married,” Marvin said, rubbing his temples. Images of Whizzer’s eyes and smile and shoulders and hairline filled his mind. He pushed them out.

“You don’t have to be.”

“Well, I am.”

“Okay, okay. Tell me what happened after you slammed your fist against the sink,” Mendel said.

“I showered.” Marvin paused. He was pausing an awful lot that session. “And I, umm, thought of Whizzer.” Mendel nodded, making a note. “Do you really need to write that down?” Marvin asked.

Mendel looked up. “Oh don’t worry. I was just doodling.” He turned the notebook so Marvin could see. “It’s a dragon. With glasses.” He placed the notebook back on his lap. “But continue. You masturbated to Whizzer.”

Marvin looked scandalized. “No need to be so vulgar.”

“They’re just words. Now, please, continue,” Mendel said.

“Well, after I was, done, I went and I laid next to Trina. Jason had already left by the time I entered the bedroom. And then I slept.”

Mendel was looking at Marvin intently, raising an eyebrow. “And?”

Marvin looked back to the floor. “I dreamt something. It was just because I’ve been thinking about that damn book so much! It didn’t mean anything.”

“But what was the dream?” Mendel prodded.

Marvin glanced at his watch. “I think time is up.”

Mendel shook his head. “We have time.”

Marvin sighed. “Fine.” Another pause. “It was about the myth. Plato’s myth. Whizzer and I were one being,” Marvin said. “But it was just a dream so it doesn’t matter. I don't even have to think about it anymore. It's over with. A dream,” Marvin said, in a rushed tone.

“Relax, Marvin,” Mendel said. “You’re the only one judging yourself. Being gay isn’t wrong.”

“I know,” Marvin muttered, but he didn’t look Mendel in the eyes. 

“Do you think it’s possible Whizzer is,” Mendel searched for the right words. “Your other half?”

Maybe. “It doesn’t matter either way. I’m married. To Trina,” Marvin said. He glanced at his watch again. “Time really is up now. Bye, Mendel,” Marvin said, getting up.

“Until next time, Marvin,” Mendel said, getting up from his chair to close the door behind Marvin.

Marvin put his hands in his pockets and walked out the building. Mendel’s question lingered in his mind. “Do you think it’s possible Whizzer is your other half?” Had he given up too soon? Was there still a chance that his other half existed? Was Plato right all along? He shook his head. No. It wasn’t. Whizzer is just some random guy. Really good-looking and oddly enticing, but random. He’d probably never see him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope to see you next chapter.
> 
> Kudos and Comments are greatly appreciated! :D


	5. Chapter Four - Saltines and Divorce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marvin goes back to the grocery store, where Whizzer "cons" him out of his phone number.  
> Charlotte and Cordelia are introduced. (They just appear once, but I'm just laying the ground work)  
> And more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I know this is taking on aspects of "insta-love." Okay, it is insta-love, but it's because of the myth. (How I interpret it at least.) When you meet your other half, you just know. You're already in love with that person before you even know them and you finally realize it's them when you meet them. Anyway, that's my take on the myth so that's how this story will go/is already going.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @wafflenull 
> 
> Anyway here goes...

“Do you want me to get the groceries again?” Marvin asked, placing the wet pan on the drying rack. 

Trina hesitated for a second. “Um, yeah sure. That’d be nice,” Trina said. “You didn’t get a lot of stuff two days ago.”

“I got everything on the list,” Marvin said.

“Well, excuse me for forgetting to put everything on the list. How about, when you finish something off, you put it on the list,” Trina said, crossing her arms.

“Yeah, great.” Marvin grabbed the list from the fridge. “I’ll go later.”

Trina reached for the list. “Wait a second.” She wrote down a few more things. “Oh and Charlotte and Cordelia are coming over later,” she explained.

“Hey, Mom,” Jason said, the chewed up granola bar in his mouth visible when he opened his mouth. “I’m staying late after school. Chess club.”

Trina nodded. “Yeah, honey, I know. Every Tuesday and Thursday. I’ll pick you up.” She turned to Marvin in the last part. He never picked Jason up after chess club.

****

Marvin sat, restless, on the sofa, waiting to go to the grocery store. He didn’t even know if Whizzer was going to be there. Not being able to take it anymore, desperately wanting to feel that pull again, Marvin grabbed the car keys and all but ran to the car.

He didn’t even remember most of the drive. All he remembered was feeling like an idiot for having met Whizzer once and already being so attached. 

Finally arriving at the grocery store, Marvin grabbed a basket at the entrance and started scanning every aisle. He stopped in his tracks. His basket couldn’t be empty, Whizzer would know he came just to see him. He grabbed the nearest thing, a box saltines and threw it in his basket. They may not have been on the list but they were right there. 

“What am I doing?” Marvin whispered to himself. He put the saltines back. “No,” he whispered. He grabbed the saltines again. Holding the box over the basket, Marvin didn’t know what to do.

“Difficult decision?” The voice was sweet and melodic. Marvin turned, his eyes connecting to Whizzer's. He dropped the box of saltines into the basket.

“Yes, it is,” Marvin said, struggling to breathe for a second. That was embarrassing.

Whizzer smiled, his hair bouncing slightly. “Do you need any help finding anything?" A devious smile took over his face. “Maybe the saltines?”

Marvin chuckled. “Are they ‘to my left’?” He said, drawing out the sentence like Whizzer had two days ago.

Whizzer started laughing, and Marvin found himself walking towards him. He remembered brushing his teeth in the bathroom and thinking about Whizzer. So he did what he thought of then. He reached out and pressed his fingertips to Whizzer’s cheek, drawing a line down to and along his jaw. Whizzer didn’t break eye-contact. Marvin retracted his hand.

“Sorry,” he said, taking a step back.

“It's f," he said, his voice rough. He cleared his throat. “It’s fine,” he repeated.

“Well, I better go get the rest of the things on the list,” Marvin said, holding up the list. Why was he saying that? He specifically came here for Whizzer and now he was leaving as soon as possible.

“But before you leave,” Whizzer said, grabbing Marvin’s arm. “Are you willing to participate in a review?”

Marvin cocked his head to the side. “Sure, but beware, it might be a fantastic review,” Marvin said, smiling seductively.

Whizzer returned the smile and pulled out a notepad from the back of his pocket. “We’ll just need your phone number,” Whizzer said, looking up from the paper.

After giving Whizzer his phone number, Whizzer pulled out his phone. Marvin’s phone rang. “As if I’d give you a fake number,” Marvin said.

“Just checking,” Whizzer said. “You better get back to that list.”

Marvin knew what Whizzer was doing but couldn’t resist the urge to call him out. “The review is just my phone number?”

“There’s one question if you’re desperate to spend more time with me,“ Whizzer said. 

“You see right through me,” Marvin said. 

“When can I call you,” he asked.

Marvin thought for a second. “Tomorrow.” Whizzer smiled. “Make sure you don’t lose that piece of paper,” Marvin said and then he winked. Of course, after that he felt completely and totally embarrassed, but he couldn’t un-wink. To his surprise, Whizzer’s smile widened.

****

Marvin shut the door behind him, struggling to carry the bags. The phrase, “That’s fine. I don’t need any help,” almost crossed his lips. Instead he said, “Hey, Jason, can you help your father out.”

He heard Jason groan as he got up, abandoning the chess game before him. He wasn’t playing anybody, so Marvin didn’t see the big deal.

After placing all the bags in the kitchen, Jason went back into the living room, and continued his chess game.

Marvin started putting things away, when he realized he could hear a conversation in the dining room. It must have been Charlotte and Cordelia with Trina.

“And then I tripped and the lasagna flew out of my hand and of course it landed upside down. And it,” she paused, laughing, “and it slid across the floor. There was tomato sauce everywhere—“

“No,” Marvin heard Trina say, gasping.

“Yes,” either Charlotte or Cordelia continued. “Of course, that’s the moment Caroline decides to walk in. I was so embarrassed.”

They were all laughing as Trina’s other friend said, “Suffice to say, she won’t be hiring your catering services again any time soon.”

“But the guests liked the food,” the woman argued, but Marvin could tell she agreed with the other.

Trina was laughing. “Okay, I have to change the subject. Sorry, Cordelia, as much as I love your catering stories, I need your guys’ help.”

Marvin grabbed the box of saltines and a smile found its way to his face. Would Whizzer call soon? Tomorrow. He’d have to wait until tomorrow. That’s when he told Whizzer to call.

“So about two months ago, I signed up for a half-marathon,” Trina began. Marvin was pulled back to reality. He didn’t know anything about that.

“Oh, that’s great,” the woman that must have been Cordelia said. It was the same voice that told the lasagna story and Trina had called her Cordelia. That meant that the other voice was Charlotte.

“Yeah, when is it? We’ll be there cheering you on,” Charlotte said.

“Well, it’s in about four months. I just don’t know if I can actually do it,” Trina explained, sounding a little beat.

“I’m sure you’ll do great, Trina,” Charlotte said.

“Definitely.”

“I’m just nervous,” Trina said. “Do you guys want more to drink?”

Apparently, Trina didn’t wait because Marvin heard the scraping of the chair legs against the floor. She came into the kitchen with two glasses and stopped short upon seeing Marvin.

“Hello, Marvin,” Trina said, turning to fill up the glasses.

“Hi,” Marvin replied, putting away the last of the groceries.

“Go play chess with Jason,” Trina said, already going back to the dining room.

Marvin didn’t bother answering for she was already gone. He went into the living room and sat down across from Jason, who had just moved a white piece.

“Need somebody to play against?” Marvin asked, resting his elbows on his knees.

“I’m good,” he replied, moving a pawn.

“You sure?” Marvin asked, grasping to connect with his son.

Marvin looked up from the chess board. “Yes, I’m sure.”

He couldn’t take it anymore. “Why won’t you play with me? I’m your father.” He just wanted to play with his son. It was like reaching out to a wall; it would never reach back. Ever. Marvin was slowly giving up hope. Maybe his tight-knit family would never happen. He just thought he had to give it time, but maybe he just wasn't meant to have the kind of family he wanted.

“Because I am perfectly fine playing by myself,” Jason said, turning the board to play the black pieces.

“Fine,” Marvin muttered, making his way to the dining hall. The three ladies were sitting.

“Hi, Marvin,” the blonde said, getting up to shake his hand. “I’m Cordelia and this is my wife, Charlotte.”

“Nice to meet you,” Marvin said, smiling at the both of them.

“We were actually leaving right now, but we’ll be back,” Charlotte said, standing up as well. 

“We can’t go long without seeing this woman here,” Cordelia said, pointing at Trina.

Trina got up and walked them to the door, where they both hugged her before leaving. 

“I thought you were going to play chess with Jason,” Trina said, when she came into the kitchen where Marvin was, drinking a glass of water.

“I offered. He didn’t want to,” Marvin said.

“So what you’re telling me is that he’d rather play alone than with you,” Trina said, crossing her arms and leaning against the counter.

“Yes,” Marvin said, drawing out the word.

Trina huffed. “Did you even ask?”

“Of course I asked. What’s that supposed to mean?” Marvin said, raising his voice slightly.

“It’s supposed to mean that you barely spend time with your son.”

Marvin sighed. “Are you trying to pick a fight with me right now?” Trina rolled her eyes and walked away.

Marvin looked through the doorway into the living room and saw Jason watching him. They held eye contact until Jason shook his head slightly and turned back to his chess board.

Just at that moment, Marvin’s cell phone started ringing. Unknown number.

He answered. “Yes?”

“Hey, Marvin,” he heard Whizzer say.

Marvin immediately smiled and then looked back into the living room. Jason wasn’t watching. “I thought I told you to call me tomorrow.”

“Couldn’t wait that long,” Whizzer explained. Marvin’s smile grew.

“So," Marvin said, “what are you calling for?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to meet up sometime? You know, outside of the grocery store,” Whizzer said.

Marvin glanced behind into the dining room, looking for Trina. Little did he know, she had just entered the living room, the perfect place for listening. He didn’t even have to think about the answer. “Of course. When?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Do you actually mean tomorrow or are you going to call me saying you can’t wait until tomorrow?” Marvin joked.

“Well, if you’d prefer today,” Whizzer said, trailing off.

“I would, but I can’t. It’ll have to be tomorrow,” Marvin said. “Well, I better go.”

“Wait!” Whizzer interrupted. “Where are we meeting?”

Marvin contemplated for a second. “I know you said not a grocery store but what if we did meet at one? But a different one so you won’t get roped into working somehow.”

“Sounds odd, but enticing. I’ve never gone on a date in a grocery store,” Whizzer said. Marvin’s heart sped up when he heard Whizzer say the word “date.”

“Me neither,” Marvin said. “I actually have to go now. See you tomorrow.”

“Can’t wait,” Whizzer replied, before Marvin hung up the phone.

Marvin was still looking down at his phone, saving Whizzer’s number in a new contact, as he walked into the living room, right into Trina. Stumbling backwards, he dropped his phone. Scrambling to grab it before Trina saw it, Marvin just incriminated himself further.

“What are you doing?” Trina asked, crossing her arms.

Marvin could feel his throat closing up. “Nothing.”

“What about tomorrow? What are you doing tomorrow? At a grocery store? You were just there.”

“Well, I’m meeting a friend,” Marvin said, wringing his hands.

“Is this a special friend?” Trina asked. Marvin could see Jason watching them out of the corner of his eye. He wanted to tell him to go to his room but he also didn’t want him to think there was something seriously wrong. (Which there was.)

“No.” Marvin glanced at Jason, who picking up his chess set at the same speed Marvin used to grab his things, when his parents started fighting.

“You sure. Why else would you be looking around to see if anybody was listening? Is this why you won’t sleep with me? Are you getting it from somebody else?” Trina yelled.

Marvin watched Jason. He watched his son do what he used to do. He had promised himself he wouldn’t do that to his own child. 

“No, I don’t,” Marvin said, looking back at Trina. Marvin heard Jason’s bedroom door close and Marvin felt slightly relieved. But, he also felt more guilty. Jason shouldn’t have even needed to go to his bedroom.

“Is that all you have to say? I can’t believe you!”

“What do you want me to say? Huh?” Marvin yelled right back.

Trina mock-thought. The she raised her forefinger as if she had had a stroke a genius. “How about you be honest,” she said, screaming the last word in Marvin’s face.

“I am being honest,” Marvin lied. 

“Oh, are you? Really? You never were. You never opened up to me. I didn’t realize that those were just ways to get me to talk about myself again and to distract from you. I thought I knew you. I can’t believe it took me years,” she held up her hand and repeated “years” with ample emphasis. “To realize that I don’t know you at all,” Trina finished.

Marvin crossed his arms. Screw, Mendel. He was allowed to cross his arms whenever he wanted. “You do know me,” he said. “You're my wife.”

“Well, that’s just it. I’m your wife but I might as well be your neighbor. Just be honest with me. Who was that woman on the phone?” Trina said, her voice no longer as loud but still as hurt.

“It wasn’t a woman,” Marvin said.

Trina brought her hands to her face. “Just stop lying. Your tone of voice,” she muttered. Then she removed her hands and Marvin could see tears in her eyes. “You were flirting, planning a date. Who is she?” Trina asked, stepping forward. She grabbed his arms, desperate. “Please tell me.” Her voice broke slightly.

Marvin wriggled out of Trina’s grip. “I promise you it wasn’t a woman.”

"What? Was it a guy then? Are you gay?” Trina asked, jokingly, trying to lighten the mood slightly. Marvin could still see the hurt in her eyes. Maybe she wasn’t so much trying to lighten the mood as much as she was trying to hide her pain. Because Marvin was. Marvin looked as calm as a lake on a beautiful day.

“Yes,” he said, quietly. Trina laughed. “No,” Marvin said, looking to the ground, some of the hurt seeping through his facade. “I am.” He paused. “Gay.”

Trina took a step back. “No.” She looked him up and down. “We’re married.” She laughed slightly. “We’re married, Marvin. I’m a woman and you’re a man. We're a straight couple. You can’t be gay.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Marvin said, reassuming his facade and looking up. “I’m not. I was kidding.”

Relief washed over Trina’s face. But every drop of panic slowly reassembled itself on her face with every second they held eye contact. She put her head in her hands again. “You are gay, aren’t you,” she said into her hands. She looked back up, her hands still forming a cup.

Marvin only nodded.

“So, that really wasn’t a woman on the phone?”

Marvin only shook his head.

“And I’m your wife. Me, a woman, married to a gay man. Oh my gosh.”

Marvin only nodded.

“Say something,” she screamed. “Oh my go… Jason was right all along. You don’t love me. You never did.” Marvin could see the tears forming again.

He took a step closer. “Of course I loved you.” 

She shoved him back, but not with much force. (Not that she didn’t have the force but she truly didn’t want to hurt him.) “I can’t believe this. I-I. We have a son. A son. What about him?” She rubbed at her eyes, smearing the tears all over her face.

Marvin shrugged, barely able to move his shoulders do to the guilt on them. “He’ll be fine. He never liked me anyway.”

Trina laughed. “You don’t know him at all, do you?”

“It’s hard to get to know somebody who doesn’t want you to know them,” Marvin said.

“Oh, the irony,” Trina said. Marvin couldn’t help but laugh. Trina soon joined them. It wasn’t that it was funny, but that the pain was messing with their minds.

After they both sobered up, Trina said a single word. “Divorce?”

Marvin nodded. “Divorce.” He supposed it was time to separated the two halves that clearly didn’t go together. They were like two puzzle pieces from opposite sides of the puzzle, being shoved together, bending and breaking their edges. They were changing parts of themselves for somebody they’d never truly fit with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed.
> 
> As always, Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!!


	6. Chapter Five - The Ruined Donut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marvin goes to therapy and leaves heavily confused.  
> Later, Marvin goes to meet Whizzer and immediately breaks down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really happy with the scene between Marvin and Jason (actually the entire chapter), it feels really unnatural to me, but I don't have the energy to rewrite it and I want to get it out there so, just take it as it is :)
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @wafflenull

Chapter Five - The Ruined Donut

Marvin walked into the waiting room and started knocking on Mendel’s door. “Mendel, let me in. Come on, we need to talk.” His knocking became more furious. “Mendel,” he said, dragging out the L.

Suddenly there was a hand on Marvin’s shoulder, which made me him whip around. “Maybe make sure I’m actually in the room, before pounding on the door,” Mendel said, smirking. There was a donut in his hand.

“Maybe make sure you’re okay with losing your donut before sassing me,” Marvin said. He grabbed the donut and licked the surface. Mendel looked like he was going to cry.

“Okay,” he muttered. Marvin felt bad but there were more pressing matters. Mendel opened the door and let Marvin in before him.

Marvin immediately sat down in the chair he always occupied. “So, here’s the thing,” Marvin started.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Mendel said, ducking his head behind the desk he was sitting at. Marvin heard drawers opening and then a, “There it is.” Mendel appeared again and walked over to his chair opposite of Marvin’s. He propped his notebook against his knee. “I’ll also have you know that technically we’re not open—“

“Open? That makes you sound like you’re a bar.”

“—and you ruined my donut, so you should be thankful that I am even talking to you,” Mendel finished, ignoring Marvin’s bar comment.

“I am thankful,” Marvin said. “But back to the point.”

“Yes, go ahead,” Mendel said, rolling his eyes slightly. Marvin saw, but didn’t say anything. He had rolled his eyes at Mendel way too many times himself to have a right to say anything.

“So, Trina and I are getting divorced,” Marvin said.

Mendel nearly dropped his notebook. “So, you told her the truth? Just like that?”

“Not really. She caught me on the phone with Whizzer and thought it was a woman. I assured her it wasn’t and then she made a joke asking if I was gay. I took the opportunity and told her I was,” Marvin said, shrugging at the end.

“You seem oddly calm,” Mendel noted.

Marvin raised his eyebrows. “I guess I am.”

Mendel made a note. “I would have assumed some more unpleasant emotions due to your anger issues.”

Marvin thought for a second. “That is strange. But no, I feel fine.”

Mendel made another note. “So you did not act out after you agreed to divorce? You didn’t do anything motivated by your anger or anything that fueled you anger?”

Marvin shook his head. Another note. “What are you writing?”

“I’m a psychiatrist. I always take notes. This isn’t your first session,” Mendel said, still looking at his notebook.

Marvin gave him a look. “I’d still like to know what it says.”

Mendel ignored him. “So what do you think is the origin of your anger?” He asked.

Marvin looked surprised. “You said it was the book.”

Mendel nodded. “That’s what I said, but where do you think it comes from?”

Marvin was confused. “I don’t know.”

Mendel nodded again. “Just think about it. Take one instance. Say, the sink incident. What had happened before that?”

“I was reading the book?” Marvin said, unsure what he was supposed to say.

Mendel shook his head. “Forget the book. What happened right before you went into the bathroom?”

Marvin could feel his throat tighten. “I heard Jason say that he didn’t think I loved his mother and Trina said that I did.”

Mendel nodded. “Now, the burning of the book?”

Marvin thought for another second. “I said I had to work late to avoid sleeping with Trina.” Mendel nodded. “Wait, so the origin of my anger is Trina?”

Mendel looked horrified. “No, it is most definitely not. No, think about it.”

Marvin's eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t know. What?”

Mendel made a note in his notebook. Marvin couldn’t remember another session when Mendel had taken so many notes. “I can’t just tell you. You need to figure this out.”

“You told me about the book,” Marvin argued.

“Yes, and that was a mistake. Both telling you and the thought itself was a mistake. It’s not the book,” Mendel told him.

Frustrated, Marvin got up and left the room. He felt terrible about leaving since Mendel had given him his time when he shouldn’t have even been working but he couldn't handle feeling like an idiot at that moment.

Marvin sat in his car for five minutes, before getting out muttering about how much of an idiot he was. “This is going to be disastrous,” he said to himself. He knocked on Mendel’s door. He heard a muffled, “Come in,” from Mendel.

“Listen, Mendel,” Marvin started. “We’re having a dinner party soon. Would you like to come? Trina said I should ask you.”

Mendel looked taken aback. “I'm not sure that’s entirely professional if I were to come,” he said.

“When has that stopped you from doing something before?”

Mendel laughed. “Alright. I’ll attend.”

Marvin smiled. “I'll give you the details next session.”

****

Having agreed on a specific grocery store earlier in the day, Marvin was excited to see Whizzer. His mood had been dampened by his session with Mendel; he couldn’t stop thinking about where his anger was coming from. He was just as far from an answer as he was before the session, if not further.

Marvin got out of the car and went inside, looking for the aisle with the saltines. He looked in what felt like every single aisle before he finally found the right one. He actually probably would have walked past it had he not seen Whizzer standing there.

Whizzer turned, their eyes connecting immediately. Marvin’s heart stopped. Everything came rushing in and the tears came rushing out. His body was shaking and his cheeks covered in tears. Whizzer was by him in an instant and wrapped him in his arms. Marvin pushed him back.

“I’m fine. I’m sorry. Just,” Marvin said. “Let’s just have some fun.” Marvin wiped under his eyes.

Whizzer looked at him like he wanted to say something, but he remained silent and just nodded.

They just walked down the aisles, hand in hand, as Marvin desperately tried to calm down.

“We can talk about it if you'd like.”

“I’m fine. It’s fine. Don’t worry.”

After finally calming down, he stopped Whizzer and moved to stand in front of him. “I can’t believe I ruined this. I’m sorry,” Marvin said.

Whizzer reached one hand up to touch Marvin’s face. “You didn’t ruin it. As long as you’re okay, now?”

Marvin nodded. “We need to lighten the mood.” Whizzer cocked his head. “Let’s play a game.”

“A game?” Whizzer asked. “In a grocery store?”

“Yes. So here’s the game: We’re going to both create a list of ten items for the other and agree on a meeting spot. Then we have to find all those items and whoever gets to the meeting spot first wins,” Marvin explained. 

Whizzer was grinning as he nodded. “Let's do it.”

After agreeing on meeting back in the saltine aisle, they both went to opposite ends of the aisle they were in and wrote down ten items on their respective pieces of paper. They both finished their lists and exchanged. Together they counted,

“3…”

“…2…”

“…1…”

“…Go.”

Marvin started walking and peering into aisles, while scanning the list.

“Eggs.” A smile cracked on his face. “Of course he’d put eggs on here,” he thought. “Which means, yup. Saltines.”

Marvin, struggling to find the eggs, spotted Whizzer with at least five things in his basket across the aisle. Whizzer no doubt spotted Marvin’s empty basket and shot him a cocky smile. “Check aisle five.”

Marvin was starting to get frustrated. “Thanks,” he said. How could he be so bad at this game? And Whizzer so good at it?

Looking at the signs hanging above the aisles, Marvin was waiting to arrive at aisle five. Finally, he arrived at aisle five, grabbed the eggs and then looked back at his list.

“Gallon of milk.” He remembered seeing milk in aisle seven or eight. After grabbing the milk, he knew Whizzer was probably waiting in the saltine aisle. Looking back at his list, Marvin felt absolutely hopeless. He wasn’t going to find the rest of this any time soon. He really sucked at shopping.

Finding three more items while looking for the saltine aisle, he arrived there with a total of five things in his basket. Whizzer stood there, patiently waiting.

“Took you long enough,” Whizzer said. Marvin could feel his chest tightening. He hated losing.

“Yeah, I gave up. I couldn’t find everything,” Marvin said.

“Oh, that’s fine. It was fun though, right?” Whizzer looked almost as if he thought Marvin thought the entire date was a bust.

Marvin smiled. “Yes. It was. I just hate losing. See my mother used to,” he cut off, realizing what he was saying. He didn’t need to tell Whizzer this. Though, he did seem to be interested. No, Whizzer didn’t need to know that. At least not right now.

“Your mother?” Whizzer asked.

Marvin shook his head and waved his hand. “Nothing. Doesn’t matter.” He paused, looking for something to say that would change the topic. Whizzer beat him to the punch.

“So do we have to bring all this back to the different aisles or?” Whizzer asked, holding up his basket.

Marvin thought for a second. “I don’t know. I certainly don’t want to buy it all.”

Whizzer laughed. “I have to say I agree.”

“So let’s just put it here,” Marvin suggested, pointing to a random shelf.

Whizzer looked scandalized. “You realize I work in a grocery store?” Marvin gave a confused nod. “So, you should know that I would not be okay with that, correct?”

“Why? What’s wrong with it? One of the workers will put it away. It’s their job,” Marvin stated. 

Whizzer put his head in his hands. “You can’t be serious,” he looked up, “it may be their job to clean up, but it’s also your job to be a decent human being. You are in no rush whatsoever. Let’s just put it away.”

Marvin felt embarrassed. “Okay. Let’s put the stuff away ourselves.”

Whizzer nodded. “That’s what I thought.”

Marvin followed Whizzer as he had no idea where any of the stuff belonged. Halfway through putting everything away, Whizzer reached for Marvin’s hand, his left hand. Marvin still had his ring on.

"So, what does your ring mean?” Whizzer asked. “I mean, it’s not like gay people can get married, so what does it symbolize?”

Marvin’s throat tightened yet again. “I'm actually married to a woman,” he said. “But I’m getting a divorce,” Marvin said, speaking so fast it was barely intelligible.

Whizzer dropped his hand. “Getting a divorce or got a divorce?”

Marvin rubbed the back of his neck. “Getting,” Marvin said.

“How long has this been in the works?” Whizzer asked, looking at him pointedly.

Marvin looked to the ground. This was going to sound really bad. “A day.”

Whizzer’s eyebrows shot up. “A day? That’s it? I’ve known you longer than that. You’ve been flirting with me for longer than that.” Marvin nodded. “Am I just one of many guys you’re cheating with?”

Marvin grabbed Whizzer’s upper arm. “No! No. Definitely not. You’re the only one man that I’ve even considered dating since getting married,” Marvin said.

Whizzer shrugged off Marvin’s grip. “Were you going to tell me?”

“Eventually,” Marvin said.

“I’m going home,” Whizzer said, laughing mirthlessly.

“No, don’t. Please, I just,” but Whizzer was already walking away.

“Damnit,” Marvin muttered to himself.

****

“Can you grab me the milk?”  
“Get it yourself.”

**

“Have you seen this?”  
“Yes.”  
“What do you think?”  
“Does it matter?”

**

“Shit.”  
“…”

**

“Can you help me.”  
Sigh. “Fine.”

**

“This is hilarious.”  
“Okay.”

****

Their fights weren’t screaming and shouting and breaking things. Their fights were indifference. Their fights were ignoring the other and bringing down their mood. Their fights were invalidating the others feelings and refusing to help each other. Their fights were always observed by Jason.

“Trina?” Marvin asked.

“Yes,” Trina asked, not looking up from her book. The “yes” seemed to indicate finality and not the beginning of a conversation. Marvin overlooked it for there were more pressing matters.

“I don’t think it’s good that Jason sees us this way,” Marvin said.

She looked up from her book. “Neither do I,” she replied. “But what can we do. We can’t avoid each other twenty-four seven. That’s just as bad.”

“Could he stay somewhere else until we,” he struggled to find the right words. “Until we calm down?”

“Charlotte and Delia love him. I’m sure they’d be willing,” Trina suggested. “If you’re okay with that.”

“That sounds good.”

****

“And so, when a person meets the half that is his very own, whatever his orientation, whether it's to young men or not, then something wonderful happens: the two are struck from their senses by love, by a sense of belonging to one another, and by desire, and they don't want to be separated from one another, not even for a moment.”

Marvin closed the book. Whizzer wanted to be separated from him so he couldn’t have been his other half. He wrecked his relationship with both the mother of his son and his son for nothing. Well, not for nothing. He was feeling more at peace lately, despite feeling more frustrated at the same time. His emotions were just mixing and leaking into one another, leaving Marvin unsure on what he was feeling.

He grabbed the phone and dialed the familiar number.

“Doctor Mendel Weisenbachfeld here.”

“Mendel, just tell me,” Marvin said, skipping the greetings. Their relationship was anything but professional or appropriate. Neither of them minded however for they knew that Marvin wouldn’t be able to open up to him if they weren’t (nearly) friends.

“Marvin, you know I can’t tell you. Look at what happened last time. You took it as the truth without question and went against my advice. This is one you have to discover for yourself," Mendel said.

“Fine, also Jason has been staying at the neighbors for a few days and I don’t know what to do. He already despises me and once we confirm his already very present suspicions that his mother and I are getting a divorce, he’ll hate me even more,” Marvin said. Marvin didn’t know Trina was standing in the stairwell. She hadn’t intended to listen. She had only wanted get a glass of water, but now she couldn’t leave.

“I’m sure he does not hate you. Have you talked to him for longer than five minutes in the last week, or even month?” Mendel asked.

Marvin sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I’m sure he does. And,” he paused. “No, I guess I haven’t. But I've tried and he just brushes me off. He gives me short answers and goes to cry to his mother about how he thinks I don’t love her.” He didn’t see the tears welling in Trina’s eyes for he didn’t see Trina at all. “I just want to spend time with my son. He prefers playing chess alone over playing with me.” Marvin heard the stairwell creak as Trina left. He assigned it to the house settling and forgot about it.

“Go to talk to him.”

“He won’t listen,” Marvin said, letting his head fall back.

“Tell him what you need to tell him. If it seems like he’s not listening, he’s only pretending. From what you’ve told me, it’s not that he hates you, but that he fears you hate him. He doesn’t want to be attached to and dependent on somebody who couldn’t care less,” Mendel said.

“Okay. I’ll talk to him,” Marvin said.

“Good. Now, got to bed. Sleep is important too, you know?” Mendel said.

“Yes, thank you, Doctor Mendel Weisenbachfeld,” Marvin said, imitating the tone Mendel had answered the phone with.

“I hate you,” and with that Mendel hung up the phone.

****

“Marvin, hi!" Charlotte greeted him.

“Do you two always open the door together?” Marvin asked, as the two of them stood before him, each with an arm wrapped around the other.

“We like to let any and every guest know right off the bat that we’re noticeably in love,” Cordelia said, as if it was obvious. She snuck a kiss onto Charlotte’s cheek.

Marvin nodded. He wished he had that. “Come inside,” Charlotte said.

He could see Jason sitting in the living room with his chess board, playing by himself.

Marvin turned to Charlotte and Cordelia. “Do you mind if I talk to him alone?”

Charlotte touched his shoulder and Cordelia gave him a sad smile.

Marvin walked over to the sofa and sat down next to Jason. Jason only glanced at him before returning his gaze to his chess game.

“Jason, bud,” great awkward start there, Marvin, “I need to talk to you.”

“Okay,” but he didn’t look up from his chess game.

“Well, I guess I’ll just talk then.” Jason didn’t say anything. Marvin took a deep breath. He’d asked Trina if he could tell Jason and she had agreed. “Your mother and I was getting a divorce,” he paused, “but you already knew that.”

“Duh,” Jason said, but Marvin could tell he was at least slightly upset about it. “Is that all,” he said, as he moved a piece.

“No, actually, it’s not. That’s just the beginning.” He could tell Jason was surprised. “Here’s the thing. I love you.” Jason’s face twitched slightly. “I really do. I remember the day you were born. The doctor had said you would be a girl, but when you came, you were a boy and I didn’t care at all because I just wanted you. I wanted a child to play games with. To go on adventures with. To share secrets with. I wanted you but I didn’t do any of those things with you. I didn’t build our relationship. I expected it to build itself. I wanted this tight-knit family but I never did anything to bring us together.

“And I didn’t love your mother. Not the way one should love somebody they married. I did however love her and still do, just not romantically. I’d never be able to love her romantically.” Jason's head perked up at that slightly and Marvin was sure Jason was listening. “I’d never be able to love her romantically because well,” he swallowed hard, “I'd never be able to love any woman romantically.”

Jason finally looked up at him, realization on his face. “Yep,” Marvin said. “I’m a homo.” Marvin laughed slightly at Jason’s unsure smile. “It’s fine. You don’t have to say anything if you have nothing to say. I just thought it’s best you knew everything.” Jason nodded. He turned back to his chessboard and Marvin’s smile turned slightly sad. “Jason. Can I?” He didn’t finish his question before sliding the chessboard away from Jason. Jason looked up at him. 

“Sorry,” he said, sheepishly.

Marvin smiled and laid his hand on his son’s cheek. “It’s fine. But I just wanted to talk to you face to face. Well, I guess I’ll just jump right back in. As I said, I wanted a tight-knit family but did nothing for it. I mistook wanting with working for. I didn’t care for you the way I should have but I can’t change the past. I however would like to change how I will be acting so we can have a different and better future.

“I should start by apologizing.” Marvin took a deep breath, steadying himself. “I’m sorry I didn’t care for you the way I should have. I’m sorry I never let you win and put down all my points when I should have kept some of them in my hand. I'm sorry I blamed the fact that our relationship wasn’t the way I hoped on you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I hope you can forgive me and give me another chance,” Marvin said, the tears slipping down his cheeks matching Jason’s. Jason tackled him in a hug and Marvin made a sound between a sob and a laugh.

“I thought you didn’t care. I thought you wished you didn’t have me in your life. I thought I was a burden,” Jason mumbled into Marvin’s chest.

Marvin made sure Jason was looking in his eyes when he said, “You could never be a burden.”

“Was Mom the burden then?” Jason asked, the confusion clear on his face.

“Neither of you were a burden,” Marvin said, laughing slightly. “I just wasn’t honest to your mother about who I was for more than a decade.”

“Oh. So that’s why you guys are fighting so much?” Jason asked.

“Yes, but it's okay. I told her I loved her. I married her. She has a right to be mad,” Marvin said, not even feeling the urge to cross his arms.

Jason nodded. They remained silent. Everything that needed to be said had been said and they were content sitting there, the words still swirling around them. Marvin reached for the chess board and they played a game. Marvin felt incredibly happy and knew that he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. He would care for his son and he would open up to people. All he had needed to do was open up to Jason and show him how much he cared and that he’d try. As much as he hated having the next thought, it still crept into his brain. Maybe if he told Trina everything from his mother holding the points to The Symposium, they wouldn’t have to get a divorce. They could be that tight-knit family. But Marvin knew it was an idiotic thought. It wasn’t fair to any of them, not to Jason, not to Trina, and not to himself. They all deserved more. Their family was meant to be bigger and if they were to stay married, that family would never come to be. There were parts missing, two halves specifically. One half for Marvin, one half for Trina, and two new people Jason would love with all his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! 
> 
> Kudos and Comments are even more appreciated than usually since writing this actually made my wrist hurt and it still feels quite weird! Hope to see you again next chapter.


	7. Chapter Six - Dinner Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner party takes place. Whizzer and Marvin talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr @wafflenull

Then, Marvin laid his head against the back of the sofa. “Wow,” Trina said. Marvin just nodded. “I'm sorry,” Trina said.

“Me too,” Marvin said. He had told Trina everything.

“I mean,” Trina paused. “I guess I understand you better now.”

“That was the point of me telling you,” Marvin said, pulling his head back up for it to sit squarely on his shoulders. Trina slapped him lightly on the shoulder.

“I know. I didn’t know what else to say,” Trina said. “I didn’t want to just start talking about my problems.” She shrugged, looking away. “I don’t know.”

“You can talk about your problems. You just listened to me for,” he checked his watch, “a half an hour. Plus, I do care about you. I’ll always listen.”

She waved him off. “No, I don’t want to make this about me.”

Marvin searched for something in her eyes. Once he found it, he said, “This was all about us. Yes, I was telling you for me and for Jason, but also for us. We might not be in love but we are still an ‘us.’” Marvin was still looking in her eyes.

Trina nodded. “Well, I just want to say that I get where you’re coming from. My father always made me do things I didn’t really want to," Trina saw Marvin’s eyes widen and she shot up her hands. “No, no, no. Not like that. Just, he made me mix his drinks when I was ten. He made me count the pills he needed when I was eight and he never double checked. What if I had counted wrong? I could have killed him and I knew that.” She paused. She looked at her feet resting on the edge of the coffee table. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Marvin said. “Don’t apologize for his actions.”

“I wasn’t apologizing for his actions.”

Marvin knew what she meant. “Don’t apologize for feeling. You’re allowed to feel. At least, that’s what Mendel tells me.” Trina nodded. “Talking about Mendel,” Marvin said, remembering. “He will be coming to the dinner party.”

Trina looked back up from her feet and forced a smile. “Great.”

Marvin laid a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry. Your father’s an asshole.”

Trina shook her head. “No, he’s not. He took care of me, when my mother wouldn’t.”

“Well, just because he did some good things doesn’t mean that his bad actions are excused,” Marvin said.

“I guess so,” Trina said. Marvin could tell she had never told anybody this. Marvin desperately wanted her to understand that it was not her fault. He wanted her to understand that she didn’t deserve that. She needed to understand. 

Marvin pulled her into a hug. “I know so. You did not deserve any of that. That pressure should not have been resting on your shoulders at such a young age.”

Trina’s breath hitched and Marvin knew she was crying. He rubbed circles on her back. “It’s okay,” he whispered.

“I didn’t deserve it,” Trina said. It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself more than she was agreeing. Baby steps.

****

“Come in. Hi!” Trina was positively giddy. Marvin watched from the living as Charlotte and Cordelia came inside. Charlotte was carrying a bottle of wine.

Marvin turned to Jason. “Can you put your chessboard away?”

Jason looked like he was going to say no, but ended up grunting a, “Fine.” He grabbed the board and went into his room.

Charlotte and Cordelia came into the living room and sat on the sofa as Trina brought the wine into the kitchen. Marvin glanced at his watch. Mendel was late. He ended up texting Mendel the details because he had had to reschedule their appointment. They were going to have it tomorrow instead.

Just as Marvin’s arm was at his side again, the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it," Marvin shouted as he was walking.

“Marvin, hello,” Mendel said, clearly unsure of the protocol. How many psychiatrist go to a patient’s dinner party? At least one apparently.

“Mendel, come inside. I see you’ve brought wine,” Marvin said. They’d definitely have enough wine.

“I wasn’t sure what to bring. Figured wine was a safe bet.”

“Yeah,” but Marvin was secretly glad Mendel was there. He’d come to consider him a friend. Although, he wasn’t sure Mendel thought of him the same way. He was at their dinner party however. He must at least considered him as more than a patient. Marvin was blocking Mendel’s way as he stood and thought. Mendel coughed awkwardly.

“Oh right. Sorry about that,” he stepped out of the way. He was nervous about this dinner party. He didn’t know why, but he was. He knew something big would happen. 

And it did. (One of the two big things.)

Eyes connected.

Hands grew clammy.

Mendel’s jaw dropped.

Trina had tears in her eyes.

They were Children of the Moon.

“Hi,” Mendel said, extending his hand.

Trina shook it. “I’m Trina.”

“Mendel.” Then they just stared, not letting go of the other’s hand.

Marvin clapped his hands together once. “Okay. That was weird. Anyway,” Marvin said. He gave them a look. They just looked down to the floor. “Trina, can you go grab Jason from his room? He shouldn’t be hiding.”

Trina glanced at Mendel again before walking towards Jason’s bedroom.

“Let’s go to the dining room,” Marvin said.

About fifteen minutes into the dinner, Marvin’s phone started ringing. He looked at the number. Whizzer.

“Excuse me. I have to get this,” Marvin said, already having stood up. Trina glanced at his phone and her smile dropped slightly. Marvin went into his and Trina’s room and answered the phone. Luckily, Whizzer hadn’t hung up yet.

“Whizzer?”

“Yes. Listen I—“

“Why are you calling?” Marvin interrupted.

He couldn’t tell if Whizzer had sighed or laughed. “That’s what I was just going to explain. I want to talk.”

Marvin waited for a few seconds, expecting him to say more. Finally realizing Whizzer was done speaking, Marvin said, “Yeah, sure. When do you want to meet?" Whizzer had just begun speaking when Marvin interrupted again. “I’m having a dinner party right now and you’re more than welcome to come.” 

Whizzer hesitated. “Will your wife be there?”

“And my son,” Marvin said. 

“You have a son," Whizzer said. “I didn’t know that. How old is he?”

“He’s going to be twelve in two months,” Marvin said. Whizzer asking about Jason was a good sign; he hadn’t just hung up.

“Wow. That must be a tough age.”

Marvin nodded and then realized Whizzer couldn’t see him. “Yeah. We weren’t really close but we talked a few days ago and we’re better now. Still a little rocky but we’ll get there. We just have to be more open,” Marvin said.

Whizzer chuckled mirthlessly. “I wish you could have been more open with me.” Marvin didn’t miss the venom in his tone.

“I’d like a chance to be open with you too,” Marvin said. He rubbed the back of his neck. “You said you wanted to talk. Does that still stand?”

This time he was sure Whizzer sighed. There was a moment of silence and Marvin could feel the sweat gathering on his back. It was his only chance and despite all logic, he knew Whizzer was and would continue to be an important person in his life.

“Sure,” Whizzer finally said.

Marvin’s bent down and sighed with relief. “Thank you. Whizzer, I promise,” Marvin didn’t know what he was promising. “I promise to tell you the truth.”

“I’m counting on that,” Whizzer said.

They were both still on the line, silent. They both didn’t want to hang up but they also knew that this talk should be held in person.

“So,” Marvin said, “do you want to come to the dinner party or?”

Marvin imagined Whizzer smiling but he had no way of knowing what he was doing. “Sure,” Whizzer replied. “What’s the address?”

After giving the address and a few more moments of silence, they finally hung up and Marvin went back to the table.

He waited for a lull in the conversation to interrupt.

“And so I guess you could say that a donkey's favorite food is pie,” Cordelia said. Everybody laughed, but Marvin had no idea what the hell she was talking about.

“Um,” Marvin said. Great start! Way to seem sure of yourself, he thought. “I have another guest coming over.”

Mendel and Trina tore his eyes from each other (Marvin wasn’t sure what was happening there and he would definitely ask Mendel later) and Mendel gave him a questioning look. He nodded. “It’s,” he paused. He didn’t know how Trina would react. Would she be okay with it? “It’s Whizzer.”

Trina stared. She definitely recognized the name. “Whizzer’s coming here?” She said. Marvin nodded. She placed her palms on the table and took a deep breath. “Well, we better set a placemat for him, no?”

Marvin nodded again. Trina went to stand up but Marvin interjected. “It’s fine. I’ve got it. Just continue with the donkey and pie conversation.”

Cordelia smiled. What kind of caterer gave a donkey pie? She sure was strange but she also had a charm about her. Marvin didn’t know why but knew that if he ever needed a caterer, he would go to her. 

He got up and grabbed the things from the kitchen and placed it on the table at the only available seat. The seat next to Mendel. That would be fun. Hopefully, Mendel wouldn’t tell Whizzer that he was Marvin’s psychiatrist. Mendel would say some weird things and Marvin would never get the chance to tell Whizzer everything he wanted to.

They were all talking when the doorbell rang. Marvin could feel his insides getting all tied up. Him being nervous was an understatement.

His chair scraped against the floor as his heart pounded against the inside of his chest. He stood in front of the door, trying to calm down. “Damnit,” he muttered. “Get a hold of yourself.”

He opened the door. “Hi, Marvin.”

Marvin stepped to the side. “Come in.” He could feel his palms sweating.

Whizzer went for a hug and Marvin felt instant relief, but as soon as they let go, the panic returned. “Let's go to the dining room. We’re just talking but if you’re hungry, you can have something to eat.”

Whizzer shook his head. “I’m good. Shoes on, shoes off?” Marvin could tell Whizzer was nervous, as well.

“Just keep them on. We don’t care.” He led him into the dining room and could tell Jason was surprised.

“Is this your boyfriend?” Jason asked as he shook Whizzer’s hand. Jason looked slightly panicked. He had only recently found out that his father was gay and now Marvin was bringing men to the house. He didn’t blame Jason for being panicked.

Marvin spluttered while Whizzer offered a simple, “No.”

As Whizzer shook Trina’s hand, Marvin could feel his nervousness coming to a peak. Trina shook his hand and offered a tight smile. Marvin didn’t blame her for her attitude towards him. If it were the other way around, he knew that he wouldn’t be so civil.

“You must be the wife?” Whizzer asked. Trina nodded. “This sure is awkward,” Whizzer said. That extracted a short laugh from Trina.

The conversations started going again after a few minutes and Whizzer was welcomed more than Marvin was expecting. They kept glancing at each other, both desperate to speak to the other.

“Dad, can I be excused?” Jason asked, already pushing his chair back.

“Sure,” Marvin said.

Jason shot up and pulled on the back of Marvin’s chair. “Come on. I want to show you something.” Everybody at the table was smiling fondly at Jason. How were they so lucky to have Jason in their lives? They must have done something right.

Marvin stood up and followed Jason into the living room. Jason grabbed a deck of cards and dealt.

“What is it?” Marvin asked, picking up and rearranging his cards.

“I’ve improved more. I’ve only won once. That time after our talk. But I think you let me win, so we need to play now to see if I can beat you. And I will,” Jason said, his legs bouncing.

Marvin couldn’t hold in his smile. “Alright, buddy.”

The conversation went on in the dining room, but one person was no longer seated at the table. Instead, he stood, leaning against the door frame, watching his other half. A smile rested on his lips and his heart was beating as quick as ever. His palms were sweating slightly and his whole body was buzzing. 

Marvin continued playing with Jason. They joked and laughed. Marvin put some points down and kept some in his hands. Jason racked up points and beat Marvin. But Marvin didn’t care. In fact, he was happy he had lost. He would lose every day, if it meant Jason would be happy. He thought back to all the times he won and took the fun out of the game for his own child. His mood started to drop but he shook his head. He looked back at Jason and all his worry washed away. They had already moved on.

Whizzer’s body was still buzzing. His heel was aching from putting too much weight on it instead of standing on both feet. He shifted and it caught Marvin’s eye. He glanced up and caught the smile on Whizzer’s lips. Jason was cleaning up the cards and Marvin stood up, patting him on the shoulder. “Good game,” he said. Jason smiled.

Marvin made eye contact with Whizzer again before walking out the front door. Whizzer followed.

Marvin could hear Whizzer close the door and turned around and pinned Whizzer to the door. He glanced down at his lips and back to the taller man’s eyes. Whizzer nodded slightly and Marvin touched his lips to Whizzer’s.

Marvin’s knees went weak and his fingers curled around Whizzer’s shoulders. He pushed Whizzer further against the door, trying to get as close as possible. He wasn’t sure when they had opened their mouths but their tongues were touching and Marvin could feel his heart combusting.

Whizzer let out a moan, driving Marvin insane. He pulled his hand through Whizzer’s hair and pulled slightly at the hair on his nape. The moan returned. 

Finally, they both pulled away, but not too far. They rested their forehead against the other’s and looked into each other’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” Marvin said.

Whizzer smiled sadly. “Me too.”

And Whizzer pulled away completely. He started to walk down the porch and Marvin had never felt more confused.

“What? Why are you—? I thought—? How am I—?” He couldn’t finish a single question, his mind a mix of everything.

Whizzer turned around. “Are you coming?” Marvin was even more confused now.

“What?” Marvin said.

“I don’t we should talk at your house with so many people there. We’ll go to my place,” Whizzer said, as if it was obvious.

Marvin glanced at the door. “Give me a second.” He went back inside. They were still seated at the dining room, Jason having rejoined them.

“I have to go.” He turned to Charlotte and Cordelia. “It was nice having you over. I will see you again soon,” Marvin said.

“Be safe,” Mendel said, winking. Marvin glanced at Trina and could see that her smile wasn’t entirely real.

“It’s not like they can get pregnant,” Cordelia said, a serious look on her face.

“You know what? It doesn’t matter. I’m off,” Marvin interjected before it all got out of hand. When Marvin went back outside, Whizzer was waiting for him in the car. 

****

When they arrived at Whizzer’s place, Marvin started to feel the nervousness creeping back in. He had to be honest, completely honest. This was not the time for playing games. He was fortunate enough to get another chance and he wasn’t going to waste it.

“You can just take a seat in the living room. I’m just going to grab a sweatshirt,” Whizzer said, pointing to the love seat placed in front of a rather small TV.

“Okay,” Marvin said, feeling uncomfortable. He never knew how to behave in apartments he’d never been to. What was acceptable and what wasn’t? Were there any weird quirks that must be adhered to or something might break? Marvin had no idea.

He sat down on the love seat and repetitively told himself to calm down. “You’ve got this,” he muttered. 

Whizzer returned and sat down next to him, clad in a grey hoodie. “Start talking,” he said.

Marvin nodded. “I don’t know where to start. I guess, I found this book. No, wait. My parents…”

****

“That’s a lot of stuff. You in therapy?” Whizzer asked.

Marvin nodded. “Mendel, from the dinner party, that’s my psychiatrist.”

Whizzer’s eyes widened. “That seems mildly inappropriate, him coming to your dinner party and all,” Whizzer said.

“Well, we’re basically,” Marvin paused. “Friends?” He said. “It’s hard to explain. “He may be my psychiatrist but our relationship extends beyond that. And if he didn’t treat me like a friend, I wouldn’t be able to open up to him as freely as I have. He was the first person I told I was gay.”

“The first? You never told anybody when you were younger, not even somebody who you barely knew and were certain would never see again, just to say it out loud?” 

Marvin shook his head. “I didn’t want anybody to know.”

“Makes sense, I guess,” Whizzer said.

“So that’s what you did?” Marvin asked.

“Yeah, there was this one kid at my school. I never talked to him and he had maybe one friend. He was going to move to a whole other state and on his last day, just as he was leaving, I went up to him and asked to talk in private. Suffice to say, he was quite confused. He was a scrawny kid, so I wasn’t worried about him beating me up or anything. I never saw his reaction because I was looking at the floor the entire time. It might have been indifference and it might have been disgust. I’ll never know,” Whizzer said.

Marvin nodded thoughtfully. “It’s probably best you don’t know. His opinion should make no difference to you. He moved away. He’s gone,” Marvin said.

“I guess,” Whizzer said. He glanced towards the kitchen. “Would you like a drink?”

“Sure,” Marvin said. “Just water, please.”

Whizzer got up and then returned a minute or two later with two glasses of water. He sat down back down next to Marvin and raised his glass to his lips. Marvin watched Whizzer’s Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed the water. Marvin’s mouth went dry. Whizzer put the glass down again, a few drops of water still on his lips.

Marvin slid closer to Whizzer, taking turns between staring at his eyes and his lips. Whizzer placed his hand on Marvin’s cheek, pulling him closer. Their lips connected and Marvin could feel all the worry lift of his shoulders. The second big thing was about to happen. Whizzer stood up, making Marvin stand as well. They stayed connected by their lips as the slowly walked towards Whizzer’s bedroom. Marvin could hear his heart beating in his ears and his chest filling with a tingling. They laid down on the bed, never once breaking apart from each other. Trying to get as close together as possible, they were trying to become one again. They were making love. Their nails ran along the other person’s back, leaving red scratches scattered on their body. Marvin moved his lips to Whizzer’s neck and Whizzer let out that moan that made Marvin go insane. Marvin thought back to the time in the shower. He didn’t have to imagine Whizzer this time. He could touch him and kiss him and have Whizzer scratch his skin. It was real. It was what Marvin had been craving; the intimacy and pleasure coursing between them.

He had been so afraid he had messed it up but he was getting a second chance. He do everything to make sure that they would get a long and happy life together. But he had no control over that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are very much appreciated (and totally make my day)!


	8. Chapter Seven - The Terrible Pan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute relationship stuff and bonding.  
> Whizzer collapses at work and is brought to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not too long but this is where I want the chapter to end so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @wafflenull

Whizzer sat half in Marvin’s lap. Marvin was pulling his fingers through Whizzer’s soft hair, planting kisses on his neck. Whizzer tilted his head back and smiled at Marvin and grabbed his hand. He brought Marvin’s hand to his lips, kissing it softly. Marvin felt his stomach fill with butterflies.

The movie played but Marvin only had eyes for Whizzer. Soon, Whizzer turned around in Marvin’s lap, straddling him. Slowly, they started kissing. Marvin couldn’t believe his luck. He could feel tears stinging his eyes. He placed his hands on Whizzer’s cheeks on pulled him down, closer. He laid Whizzer down on the sofa and laid himself on him. His kisses travelled down Whizzer’s neck and Marvin’s lips buzzed with delight. His entire being buzzed with delight. There was no doubt in Marvin’s mind that Whizzer was his other half.

Whizzer started to run his hands down Marvin’s chest and Marvin brought his lips back to Whizzer’s. They were both smiling into the kiss. When had they become so lucky?

****

Trina sat down on the sofa, the room spinning. She had had way too much to drink. But it wasn’t her fault! Charlotte and Cordelia had insisted on those three extra shots. She could have fought them on it more but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

She let her head fall against the back of the sofa and closed her eyes. She just wanted to sleep. Her head snapped up as she heard the front door open.

Mendel walked inside and stopped short as soon as he saw her. First, he looked confused. Then came a look that seemed to express “Oh my gosh! Thank you so much! You’re alive! Holy crap,” along with a grateful sigh. And then…then came the tears. His chests started to shake slightly and tears started to slip over his cheeks. He walked towards Trina, who has incredibly confused. She stood up to give him a hug, wobbling slightly from the alcohol.

She rubbed her hand across his back, comforting him. “Mendel, honey. What’s wrong?”

Mendel sobbed slightly. “I came over to surprise you. I, I thought. I didn’t know where you were and you weren’t answering your phone. You were gone for hours and I called police and they said it was too soon for them to do anything. You were not considered a ‘missing person.’” He paused, breathing deeply. “So I went out myself. I thought you were dead.” He pulled away from her embrace and looked to the ground, clearly embraced. “And now I sound incredibly clingy.” He wiped away the tears from under eyes, still trying to steady his breath.

All the sudden, Trina started laughing. (More like guffawing.)

Mendel took a step back confused. “What’s happening? Why are you—“

Trina grabbed his biceps. “You’re so sweet. A little over the top, but sweet.” She planted a kiss onto his lips before flopping back down onto the sofa. “Not I have to sleep. I am drunk.” Whenever Trina was drunk, all she wanted to do was sleep.

Mendel smiled fondly. “Of course.” He sat on the chair next to the sofa and waited until he was sure she was asleep before carrying her up to her room. He tucked her in and planted a kiss on her forehead.

****

Cordelia was scraping the burned remains of her newest project off of the pan. She accidentally splashed some soapy water on her shirt that wasn’t covered because she had removed her apron to wash the pan. Her frustration grew and she just wanted to smash the pan. She dropped the pan into the sink and braced herself on the sink.

Just then she felt two hands on her waist and a chin resting on her shoulder. She let her head fall back slightly. She waited a few seconds before turning to face Charlotte. Cordelia leaned her head forward so her nose touched Charlotte’s. Charlotte stole a quick kiss before leaning her forehead against Cordelia’s.

“I love you,” Charlotte whispered.

“I love you too, “ Cordelia whispered back, smiling. “And I hate that pan.”

Charlotte laughed. “I love you.”

“You already said that,” Cordelia said.

“Well, it’s true,” Charlotte said. This time Cordelia stole a kiss.

Cordelia took a step back (begrudgingly) and said, “I have to make this recipe work, so I better get back to work before I can’t resist you anymore.” She gave Charlotte a sly smile. A dare.

Charlotte took a step towards Cordelia, eliminating the space Cordelia had just created. Cordelia could feel her heart speeding up. “Perhaps you could take a break? For me?” Charlotte said, lowering her voice slightly and blinking way more than necessary.

“And you’ve already convinced me,” Cordelia said, laughing. “It’s almost like it’s impossible to resist you.” Charlotte smiled and started kissing her.

****

“A little forward. No, to the front of the machine. Pull the joystick back,” Whizzer said. “Yes! Right there.”

Jason clicked the button and the claw descended. It enclosed around the stuffed animal and as it pulled up, the prize fell out of the claw.

“What the f—“

“And I think that’s enough,” Marvin said, keeping Whizzer from finishing that last word.

“Come on, Dad. Let me try one more time. I’ll get it this time,” Jason said. He turned to Whizzer. “Right Whizzer?”

Whizzer nodded passionately. “I’ll be damned if this machine beats us.”

Marvin laughed slightly as he rolled his eyes. He dropped two more quarters into the slot. They had spent upwards of six dollars now. If Jason couldn’t get it the first twelve times, Marvin really doubted he would ever get it.

“A little back,” Whizzer said. “That’s good.”

Jason clicked the button and the claw descended once again. Marvin was so tired of this machine but if they were bonding, he was more than happy to stand there for hours.

To Marvin’s surprise, the prize stayed in the claw and dropped down into the chute. Whizzer was cheering harder than Jason, bringing a smile to Marvin’s lips. Jason grabbed the stuffed animal and smiled up at Marvin. “Thanks, Dad,” he said.

Marvin ruffled Jason’s hair. “No problem, kid.”

Whizzer finally composed himself and straightened out his shirt. “What now?” He asked, as if he hadn’t been cheering like a ten year old.

“I want to go home. I’m tired,” Jason said. 

Whizzer looked slightly disappointed. Marvin noticed and suggested they go watch a movie at Marvin’s place. Jason nodded, making Whizzer smile. Whizzer really wanted Jason to like him, which made Marvin so incredibly happy.

When they arrived at Marvin’s apartment, Jason ran to throw his stuffed animal into his bedroom. Marvin wondered what it must be like to have two bedrooms. He put it out of his head. At least, Trina and him weren’t constantly fighting like other divorced parents. (Or soon to be divorced.)

Jason sat between Marvin and Whizzer as they watched the movie Marvin chose. Both Whizzer and Marvin had an arm slung around the back of the sofa and their hands were connected. Whizzer was rubbing circles onto Marvin’s hand with his thumb. Marvin smiled at Whizzer over Jason’s head. Whizzer mouthed, “Thank you for today.” Marvin just smiled and squeezed Whizzer’s hand.

****

Jason and Marvin were playing chess and Jason was telling Marvin about this one girl who had caught his eye at school. Marvin’s phone started ringing (it was Charlotte) and he held up his forefinger as he answered it.

“Char, what’s up?” Marvin asked. He moved one of his pieces.

“Marvin.” The way she said his name dropped an anvil on his shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” Marvin asked, turning away from the board and covering his mouth. It was a feeble attempt for Jason not to hear but he couldn’t just up and leave. Jason would ask questions anyway.

“It's Whizzer,” but before Charlotte could continue, Marvin interrupted.

“What’s wrong?” Marvin said, his voice quiet. Is Whizzer dying? Charlotte is a doctor and why else would she call him about Whizzer? He could feel his chest tightening and tears stinging his eyes. “Is he in the hospital?” Marvin said, his voice louder. He could see an unsure and nervous Jason in his peripheral vision.

He heard Charlotte sigh. “Yes. He collapsed at work and was brought here. We are currently running tests to see what’s wrong.”

Marvin felt like the world was crashing around him. “Is he going to be okay?” He nearly whispered.

“We don’t know,” Charlotte said. Marvin didn’t like that answer but he liked that she was honest and wasn't giving him false hope.

“I’m coming right now,” Marvin said. He glanced at Jason. He looked confused and scared.

“See you in a bit then,” Charlotte said, before hanging up.

“Jason,” Marvin said, turning towards him, “I have to go to the hospital.”

“Is it Whizzer?” Jason asked. Marvin nodded. “I want to come,” Jason said, already standing up.

“I don’t think that’s a good i—“

“I do,” Jason interrupted. “I want to see him.”

Marvin sighed. If he were Jason, he would want to go to. Plus, he didn’t feel like arguing. He just wanted to go make sure Whizzer would be okay. “Fine. Grab your shoes. We're leaving now.”

Jason ran to his room and came back, sneakers in hand. He put them on in the car. The car ride was silent as Marvin’s mind raced and Jason didn’t know what to say.

****

“Whizzer!” Marvin ran up to the bed Whizzer was lying in and took Whizzer’s face in his hands. “Are you okay?”

Whizzer laughed, covering Marvin’s hands with his own. Jason stood awkwardly at the door. “I’m fine.”

Marvin looked at him for a few seconds. “See I find that hard to believe, you being in a hospital and all.”

Whizzer smiled. “Just a little field trip.”

Marvin gave him a look. “Be serious.”

Whizzer sighed. “I collapsed at work. I don’t know why. I just did.” Whizzer looked away from Marvin and spotted Jason at the door. “You can come in, you know. I don’t bite,” he told Jason, smiling.

Marvin glanced over at Jason and waved him over. “You wanted to come, so come inside.”

“You wanted to come?” Whizzer asked. “I figured Marv dragged you along.”

Jason just smiled, unsure what to say.

Just then Charlotte came into the room. “Your results should be here in a few days. We’ll give you a call telling you what they are,” she said, all professional. Whizzer nodded and his face looked calm, but Marvin could feel the panic seeping out of Whizzer and into the air. “You’re being released until we get the results back. There is nothing we can do at the moment. The collapsing in addition with your other symptoms could be nothing to worry about.”

“But they also could be serious,” Marvin said, still freaking out.

Charlotte nodded. “Yes. But there is no indication that he is danger at the moment and therefore has no reason to stay at the hospital. And I’m sure Mr. Brown would like to go back home at the earliest convenience.” Why the hell was she acting so formal? Why did she call him “Mr. Brown?” Was this how all doctors acted, cold and detached?

“I actually would like that,” Whizzer said. He threw the blanket off of himself and smiled at Jason. “Since I’m off for the day, what do you say about watching another movie?”

Jason nodded. “As long as it’s actually a good one unlike the one we watched after the arcade.”

Whizzer chuckled. “That movie was terrible.” Marvin was offended; he was the one who chose the movie. “I’ll choose this time,” Whizzer said, throwing a cocky look at Marvin. 

“Excuse me for appreciating a good movie,” Marvin said, throwing his hands into the air. 

“You’re excused.” For a second, Marvin thought Whizzer had said it, but it was Jason. They had definitely been spending too much time together.

Charlotte was watching them all, a sad smile on her face. Marvin caught a glimpse of it and knew she thought that whatever was happening to Whizzer was serious. But why couldn’t she just say that? Why were they sending Whizzer home if it could be serious? 

“Marvin,” Charlotte said, “may I speak to you in private?”

Marvin glanced at Whizzer, questioning, but Whizzer just shrugged. “Sure.” He followed Charlotte out of the room and could tell that Charlotte had dropped the doctor mode.

“Marvin,” she said.

“Can you stop saying my name like that?” Marvin asked. It made him feel so desolate and exhausted.

She nodded. “Listen. This is my personal and professional advice: I think you should get tested for HIV/AIDS.”

Marvin just stared. “What do you mean? I can’t—that’s not possible. No.” He shook his head and chuckled mirthlessly. “That’s not happening to Whizzer. It’s not. It can’t be.”

Charlotte nodded. “We don’t know anything for sure, but that is what we think it is. We are waiting for the results. It would be best for you to get tested as soon as possible if they are to come back positive.”

“Well, he’s going to be fine, right? You can treat it,” Marvin asked. Even he could hear the desperation in his voice.

“It depends on how far along it is. The symptoms he’s exhibiting seem to indicate that he has been HIV positive for a while and has already developed or is in the late stages of developing acquired immunodeficiency syndrome.” She paused. “AIDS.”

Marvin couldn’t help but laugh. “Is this some sort of elaborate prank? This can’t be happening.”

“I'm sorry, Marvin.” She placed a hand on Marvin’s arm. “I really am. But you need to get tested.”

“We used protection,” Marvin said, fighting for a chance that this was all not happening. That Whizzer wasn’t sick, that he wasn’t sick. It all just seemed so…completely and totally wrong.

“Even with protection, there are risks,” Charlotte said.

Marvin shrugged out of her touch and nodded, not looking at her face.

****

Marvin dropped Jason off at Trina’s place. Trina had called to see if they could bring him over. She had something planned and forgot to tell Marvin. Jason and Whizzer were both disappointed they couldn’t watch a movie, but they didn’t complain.

Trina had just come back from her half-marathon training, so she was in the shower. Marvin was relieved. He didn’t feel like explaining that he had just been at the hospital. He also knew that if he told her where he was, he would start telling her about the possibility of both Whizzer and himself having AIDS.

He got back into the car, where Whizzer was waiting. Marvin looked over at Whizzer and desperately searched for something to say. But there was nothing. So he reached over, grabbed his hand, and squeezed it.

Then all the sudden, there was something to say. Marvin didn’t realize he was saying it until it had already slipped through his lips. Whizzer was still looking out the window.

“I love you,” Marvin said, his voice soft. Whizzer’s head whipped to face Marvin. Whizzer’s eyes were wide and Marvin’s hand grew clammy.

“I mean—“

“Shut up,” Whizzer said, before Marvin could take it back. Not that one could take something like that back.

Marvin clamped his mouth shut but his heart was still racing. Whizzer leaned over the center console and pressed his lips on to Marvin’s. Marvin could feel the tears slipping down Whizzer’s cheeks.

Whizzer was leaning so far over the center console, trying to get as close to Marvin as possible. Finally, he pulled away and rested his forehead against Marvin’s.

“I hope you weren’t just saying that because I was in the hospital,” Whizzer said, jokingly but he looked nervous.

“I love you.”

Whizzer smiled so wide that it brought tears to Marvin’s eyes. Now they were both crying.

“I love you too.”

Marvin started kissing Whizzer again. They both pulled away slightly to whisper, “I love you,” again.

Marvin didn’t need the test results to know that they were sick. He knew. He just wished so desperately that Whizzer wasn’t. 

Marvin understood why he was sick. He didn’t deserve to live a long and happy life. He had hurt so many people, be it his wife, his son, or any number of people throughout his life. But Whizzer? Whizzer deserved better. 

So, despite the feeling deep in his chest, he wished for Whizzer not to be sick. But he knew. And there was nothing that he could do about it. HIV/AIDS. What the hell?

He started driving to his apartment. Using his left hand to steer and his right to hang onto Whizzer’s hand. He didn’t want to let go. Ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> And as you guessed, Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!!! :D


	9. Chapter Eight - Test Results

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mendel tells Trina he loves her for the first time.  
> Marvin and Whizzer get their test results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr @wafflenull

Marvin could feel his soul leaving his body. It was cold and he had decided to only bring a thin sweater. He probably wouldn’t have been so agitated by the cold if he wasn’t already freaking out about the results. Which would come later today. For Whizzer and for himself. 

He wanted to know the results, but he only wanted to know if the test was negative. He didn’t want to know if it was positive. He didn’t think he could deal with it. If it was positive, would they both be too far along for treatment? Or just him? Or just Whizzer? Or, could it be possible, could they both get treatment and get a few more years? 

“Focus,” he thought to himself. He didn’t need to dwell on that right now. He would miss Trina run by. He still couldn’t believe that they were standing out in the cold for forever and they would only see her running for a few seconds. What was the point? No, he knew the point. Support, blah blah, encouragement, blah blah. He wanted to support her, but he wanted to do it in a more effective way, and in a warmer place.

“You okay?” Whizzer asked, shaking their interlaced arms slightly.

Marvin nodded. “Yeah, of course. How are you feeling? You still good standing?” 

Whizzer laughed slightly. “I am fine. I am not dying, you know.”

Had Charlotte not told him the possibility of AIDS or did he just reject the idea immediately? Of course, Charlotte told him but Whizzer wasn’t taking this seriously enough. Marvin didn’t know what to say. Was he allowed to mention it or was denial the only way Whizzer was dealing with the stress of it?

“Hey, Whizzer,” Marvin said.

“Hmm?” Whizzer looked up at him and Marvin realized now wasn’t the time.

Marvin forced his face to look as careless as possible. “Nothing.”

Whizzer looked into his eyes for a few seconds before backing off. “Okay,” he said. “Later?”

Marvin smiled. Whizzer always knew. “Later.” Why didn’t Charlotte tell him to take this seriously? Or did Whizzer not know the seriousness of the situation?

All of the sudden, everybody was being hit by Mendel. (Mendel was probably somehow hitting himself as well.) “Look, it’s Trina!” He screamed, pointing at a huge group of people that were running by. He held onto the railing and pushed himself as close to it as possible. “Trina! Trina!” She looked over and a smile immediately sprouted on her face. “Trina, you’re doing amazing!”

She was just about to be out of range, at least for her to be able to see Mendel and the others, but if Mendel were to shout loud enough, she’d be able to hear him. Mendel was pretty loud.

“Trina!” He screamed. “You’re so amazing. I love you!”

Marvin was taken by surprise when Mendel stood still, as if he was paralyzed.

“You okay, dude?” Marvin asked, lightly hitting Mendel’s shoulder.

Mendel turned to Marvin, slowly and frankly, it frightened Marvin. “I haven’t told her that yet. Ever.”

Marvin was confused for a second before he realized what Mendel meant. “Mendel, that was the most inconvenient moment to say that,” Marvin said, laughing at Mendel slightly. He felt for Mendel, he did, but it was just too funny.

“I didn’t plan for it to happen now. It just,” he looked horrified, “slipped out.”

“Mendel, that’s oddly,” Marvin paused. “Sweet?” Marvin could hear his voice crack as he went higher than he intended.

“I have to go find her,” Mendel said, already starting to walk away.

Marvin quickly grabbed his arm. “That’s stupid. You’ll never catch her. Just wait for the race to be over.” Marvin glanced at Jason who was using riddles to confuse Cordelia into having an existential crisis as Charlotte just laughed. 

“You’re right. You’re right. I’ll wait.” Two seconds passed. “I can’t wait!” And he took off.

“Mendel! No!” But Mendel didn’t turn around.

Marvin could hear Cordelia groaning with frustration. He looked over at Whizzer, who had gone slightly pale and his heart started to beat faster. “No,” he thought, “Whizzer's just pale because, because, because it’s cold. The results are most definitely negative. Nothing to worry about.”

He ran a hand through Whizzer’s hair and they smiled at each other. Why couldn’t they go back a few days? Why couldn’t they go back to before Whizzer’s visit to the hospital? Whizzer was acting normal but Marvin could feel the impending doom. And he hated it.

****

After the race ended and Trina had sat down, breathing hard, Mendel started to ramble. Marvin didn’t hear all of it because he saw Charlotte check her phone (was it the results?). 

The sudden motion of Trina standing up throwing her arms around Mendel pulled Marvin’s eyes from Charlotte.

“I love you too, you dumb idiot,” Trina said, smiling wider than Marvin had ever seen.

“Oh. Really?” A smile began to make its way to Mendel’s face. “Good. Good. I was worried.”

Marvin laughed. “Worried is an understatement,” Marvin said, making Whizzer slap his arm lightly. Marvin looked back at Charlotte and saw she was watching Whizzer, as if keeping a watch on him.

Marvin felt his shoulders curl slightly as he tried to close in on himself. “I have to go,” Marvin blurted out. He couldn’t just stand there anymore. He placed a hand on Trina’s shoulder and forced a smile he really meant but couldn’t seem to form naturally. “Great job, Trina. We're proud of you. Who knows, maybe you’ll be running full marathons soon,” he said. Trina smiled at him but having been married to Marvin for more than a decade, she could tell something was up. And Marvin, having been married to Trina for more than a decade, could tell that she knew something was up. He glanced at Charlotte again. She was laughing with Jason, but Marvin could tell that she had something on her mind. Damnit!

He turned to Whizzer. “You coming with?”

Whizzer nodded, oblivious to it all. “Sure.”

They bid everybody goodbye before heading to Marvin’s car.

“Can you tell me now?” Whizzer said, as soon as Marvin closed his door.

Marvin took a deep breath, careful to let it out softly as to not alert Whizzer. (To hide how he was feeling.)

“At the apartment,” Marvin said, turning the ket in the ignition. Whizzer didn’t say a word and Marvin knew that there was no way they could go on without talking about this. He was so worried and it seemed to consume his every waking moment. Was the same worry consuming Whizzer? Marvin wanted to be there for him and make sure he was prepared to deal with whatever the results would be, positive or negative.

****

Marvin kept putting it off. “I need something to drink first.” “Do you want something to drink?” “I just have to go check something.” (They were at Whizzer’s place so this seemed especially fishy to Whizzer.) He put it off for about fifteen minutes and then Whizzer’s phone started ringing.

“Shit,” Marvin said. Was it Charlotte with the results? Whizzer gave him a strange look.

“It’s Charlotte, I have to get this,” Whizzer said.

“Wait, just.” Marvin had no idea what to do. He looked around frantically. Whizzer gave him another strange look. “I just,” Marvin really was struggling to figure out what to do.

“The phone’ll stop ringing any moment. I have to answer it,” Whizzer said.

Marvin nodded, his eyes finding Whizzer’s. He sat down on the sofa and Whizzer followed, answering the phone.

“Hey Char! Do you have my results,” Whizzer said into the phone. Marvin couldn’t stand how chipper he was. That just made him have more distance to fall down. He grabbed Whizzer’s hand and then there was a third strange look.

“I’m listening,” Whizzer said.

There was silence.

Marvin hated it.

He could feel Whizzer’s hand becoming limp.

Then it went from limp to squeezing Marvin’s hand.

Whizzer looked to the opposite direction of Marvin. Were there tears? Is that why he was hiding his face?

“Yup,” Whizzer said, his voice cracking. “I’m fine.” He paused as Charlotte spoke on the other end of the phone. “Yes, I'll do that. If I start to feel anything abnormal before the appointment, I'll come in.”

Marvin squeezed Whizzer’s hand reassuringly. “He is,” Whizzer said, glancing at Marvin. He could see the tears in Whizzer’s eyes and his heart started to break. It wasn’t one swift crack that split the heart in two. He could feel thousands of tiny cracks making their way across his heart, splitting and tearing it apart. He could feel it falling apart. He could feel his heartbeat stop. As his and Whizzer’s were to sooner than Marvin wanted.

Whizzer handed Marvin the phone and Marvin stared at it for a few seconds before putting it to his ear. 

“Yes,” Marvin said. He didn’t want to hear Charlotte say it. He wanted to stay suspended in doubt and uncertainty. He hated himself for that. He should face this head on and not shy away. These were the cards he had been dealt. Apparently, he deserved this. But Whizzer? He couldn’t even begin to comprehend why Whizzer was dealt same cards, or according to what Charlotte said outside the hospital room, most likely worse cards.

“I’ll keep it short, since we’ve already spoken.” The doctor voice was on and Marvin hated it. It seems he hated everything. And in that moment, he did. “You’re HIV positive.”

“And Whizzer?” Marvin asked.

Whizzer turned to him and watched him. Tears were slipping down his cheeks and Marvin resisted every urge to just hang up on Charlotte, take Whizzer into his arms, and hold onto him all night.

“That is not my information to share. He has to tell you that himself.”

Marvin nodded. He realized that Charlotte couldn’t see him, but he didn’t care.

“Marvin?” Charlotte asked, sounding worried.

He hung up. He didn’t want her pity at the moment.

Then he did what he wanted to. He took Whizzer into his arms. Whizzer wrapped his arms around Marvin so tight, he squeezed the breath out of him.

Marvin did what Whizzer did and let the tears fall. Marvin could feel his shirt getting wet from Whizzer’s tears and looked at Whizzer’s shoulder and saw that his tears were doing the same to Whizzer’s shirt.

He could feel Whizzer’s fingers digging into his back and wanted to hug him even tighter.

How did this happen?

Not how.

Why?

What had they done to deserve this? Nothing. Not that that mattered. Disease never cares about a “Why.”

Marvin heard Whizzer take a deep breath. His voice shook as he spoke. “I have AIDS.”

Hearing that made Marvin break down completely.

“We can do this,” Marvin said. But he wasn’t sure Whizzer could understand him for his words were broken with sobs and stuttering.

They both clung tighter and tighter until it almost felt like they were one. Almost.

****

The sky had darkened and they moved to the bed. They wrapped each other up in their arms again and let the tears flow. Breaths came in and went out until the tears stopped but they still held onto each other, afraid to let go.

Marvin was running his hand through Whizzer’s hair, when Whizzer spoke up.

“This is going to sound really weird.” His voice was rough from crying so much. Marvin laughed a little. He didn’t quite know why but the fact that Whizzer was thinking of something “weird” made Marvin feel slightly better.

“Go ahead,” Marvin said, pulling back to look into Whizzer’s eyes. It was dark, since they didn’t have the light on, but as soon as Marvin looked into his eyes, he felt a few of the cracks in his heart reverse. Not reverse, heal. But there were still more than enough cracks to ruin his hear and end his life.

“Well, remember that first time we met? In the grocery store?” Whizzer asked, already smiling.

Marvin nodded affirmatively and felt a smile growing on his own face. 

Whizzer let out the tiniest, most adorable laugh that Marvin had ever heard.

“This is so weird. You’re going to be so weirded out and confused.”

Marvin moved in closer so that their noses were almost touching. Whizzer closed the gap, rubbing his nose against Marvin’s.  
“I might, but now I need to know,” Marvin said.

Whizzer laughed again. “Okay, well basically. When we first locked eyes—“

“—and stared at each other for forever,” Marvin interrupted.

Whizzer nodded, making their noses bump against each other. “And stared at each other for forever, there were these words that came to my mind. They might not mean anything but it was so weird. I have no idea what they mean—“

“—Get to the point,” Marvin said, shaking Whizzer lightly. “What were the words,” he said, mock-frustrated.

Whizzer took in a deep breath. “Children of the Sun.”

Marvin could feel his heartbeat quickening. No way. 

He crashed his lips against Whizzer’s. More cracks in his heart healed.

He couldn’t believe that Whizzer had thought those words too. He had no idea what they were and still thought them. He thought they were destined to spend their lives together. This proved it. They had a future. A very limited future, but still a future.

Slowly, they pulled away and rested their foreheads against each other.

“I suppose that means something to you,” Whizzer said, after a few seconds of silence and staring.

Marvin smiled and said a breathless, “Yes.”

There a few more moments of silence. 

“Will you tell me what it means?” Whizzer asked, impatient.

Marvin’s smile grew. “Maybe, maybe not.” The call from earlier popped into his thoughts but he pushed it out of his mind. They could worry about that later.

 

Whizzer groaned playfully. “Just tell me,” he said.

“Okay, okay, I will.” Marvin took a deep breath. “Remember the book? The one I found that one night my parents were fighting.” Whizzer nodded. “It's about this myth. Basically, in ancient times, humans had four legs, four arms, two faces. They were two humans in one.” Whizzer looked thoughtful and slightly nostalgic. Marvin didn’t know what Whizzer was thinking but he continued explaining. “But Zeus was afraid of their power and decided to split them in half. Two legs. Two arms. One face. By doing so, he created love. The halves roamed the earth, living their lives in search of their other halves.”

“Okay. And what does that have to do with the Children of the Sun?” Whizzer asked, pulling his brows together. Marvin took his thumb and smoothed it out, planting a quick kiss there afterwards as well.

“I'm getting there. There were three different combinations.”

“Combinations?”

“I’m explaining,” Marvin said, his tone light and his heart slowly healing with every word he said. “There were three different combinations: Man and man, woman and woman, and man and woman.” Whizzer nodded. “The man and woman combinations was called Children of the Moon. The combinations with two women were called Children of the Earth. And the combination with two men were called.” He paused.

“Children of the Sun,” they said simultaneously.

Whizzer took a deep breath. “Wow. It’s even weirder than I thought.”

Marvin nodded. “Yeah.”

They were silent for a while and both their faces started to fill with worry and sadness again.

“We’ll get through this,” Marvin said.

“If by getting through it you mean dying, then yes, we will get through it,” Whizzer said, anger piercing his tone. Marvin remained silent. “I’m sorry,” Whizzer said. “But hey, we might die around the same time. We can die together.”

Marvin looked to the ceiling. “No,” he said.

“What?” Whizzer asked, hurt.

“We won’t die together,” Marvin said, still looking to the ceiling. He couldn’t bare to look at Whizzer.

“Look at me.” Marvin did. “What are you talking about? We both have AIDS, right? Are you leaving me?”

“No,” Marvin said, the word tumbling out of his mouth as soon as Whizzer finished his last question. “I would never leave you.” Whizzer was waiting and begging for an explanation as to what the hell Marvin was talking about. “I’m HIV positive. I can get treatment that will give me some more time. You have AIDS. You can’t get that time.”

Whizzer just stared. After a minute of silence, he finally spoke. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“For?” Marvin asked.

Whizzer’s eyes started to brim with tears and a few of them spilled over as he laughed. “If mine’s already developed into AIDS and yours hasn’t,” Whizzer paused, taking a deep breath. They were taking so many deep breaths, Marvin was afraid they were using all the world’s air. “That means I gave it to you.” Marvin’s heart stopped and he wrapped Whizzer up in his arms. “I can’t believe I did this to you,” Whizzer said. He was audibly crying.

“No, no, no. Shhh,” Marvin said, rubbing circles on Whizzer’s back. “Don’t you dare apologize.”

“It’s all my fault.”

Marvin pulled back and made Whizzer look into his eyes. “It is not. It isn’t. Don’t think for one second that it is.” Whizzer nodded but Marvin could tell that he didn’t believe him. “It isn’t,” Marvin said, putting as much emphasis on it as he could.

Whizzer just came closer to him and rested his forehead against Marvin’s chest. Marvin ran his hands through Whizzer’s hair.

“I love you so much,” Whizzer mumbled against Marvin’s chest.

“I love you so much,” Marvin said, planting a kiss in Whizzer’s hair. He really did. He never thought he would find somebody he could genuinely love in a romantic way but he was glad to be proven wrong. Despite how it was going to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!!
> 
> Kudos and comments motivate me so much! You guys are so nice!


	10. Chapter Nine - Too Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marvin visits Whizzer at the hospital (with a surprise) and talks to Mendel, who happens to have a question to ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not proofread so bear with me :) Also it's been a while since I've updated but school has been Stressful...
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @autumnsettos (writing blog) or @wafflenull (mess of musicals)

Chapter Nine - Too Late

Marvin grabbed the grey hoodie from his desk chair and his keys from the coffee table as he passed it on his way to the door. Back to the hospital he went.

He sat in the car. His mind was blank. That was one of the only two states his mind had been in: blank and life-stopping sadness. He couldn’t eat or sleep. He didn’t even feel the need to lean down and tie his shoelaces after spotting they were getting dirty as he stepped in puddles and dirt. He didn’t care about that. There was only thing he was able to care about. Everything else had a shadow cast over it as he focused on what was most important.

“Whizzer?” Marvin said, poking his head into the hospital room. He went in as he had dozens of times in the past two weeks. They wouldn’t let him go home; they had to “monitor him here at the hospital. In case anything happens, we want to be able to help him.” Whizzer wanted to go home. Desperately so. He wanted to lie in his own bed. He wanted to sit in his own chair. He wanted to eat off of his own plates. He wanted to be able to do something, go somewhere, without a nurse there, watching, waiting. He didn’t want to stare at the clock all day. He didn’t want to hear the ticking, ticking, ticking, ticking. He didn’t want to be reminded of every second that was passing, every second he was wasting in that hospital room. What kind of person wants to spend their last moments in a hospital? Whizzer wanted to continue living as himself. And more importantly, he wanted to die as himself, not some patient wearing the grey robe everybody else was wearing. He wanted to be Whizzer, living and dying.

Whizzer rolled over in bed, so he was facing Marvin. Whizzer’s eyes were red. Marvin did what he always did. He went over to him, laid down in the bed next to him, and cried with him.

Whizzer wrapped his arms around Marvin’s waist. Marvin brought his hand to his face. He could feel the sob in his chest and tried not to let it out. Whizzer could feel a sob in his own chest and let it go. He was dying; what was the point in keeping anything in? This was the time for him to let everything out.

Whizzer’s heartbreaking sob made Marvin lose control as well. They were crying together, just like they did every day since Charlotte's call.

Marvin rolled himself over so he was facing Whizzer. “I’m sorry,” Marvin said.

Whizzer had tears all over his cheeks. His grey hat would have been adorable if it wasn’t for the situation. Whizzer’s eyes were red and puffy. He never really stopped crying.

“For?” Whizzer asked, his voice so rough and broken.

“All of this. I can’t help but think that this is my fault. Maybe if we hadn’t met,” Marvin said, trailing off.

“Then that would have been a dying shame.” Whizzer laughed slightly. “I said dying instead of crying.” He was laughing but Marvin knew the only reason he was laughing was so he wouldn’t cry.

“Maybe this wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t stepped into that damn grocery store,” Marvin said.

Whizzer looked at him for a long time. “You do realize,” he said, his eyes brimming with tears again, “if you hadn’t stepped into that ‘damn grocery store,’ I’d be dying alone.” Marvin’s eyes widened and Whizzer caught it. "I would,” Whizzer said. “Do you ever wonder why I never introduced you to any friends? Why there are no parents in my hospital room?” Marvin nodded. He had just figured they were there when he wasn’t there (which was seldom). “It’s because I have no friends. It’s because my parents aren’t,” he paused. “Well, they’ve passed on.”

Marvin craned his neck and kissed Whizzer’s forehead. “I’m sorry,” Marvin whispered, his lips still against his forehead.

“Me too,” Whizzer said. He started to smile. “At least I’ll be seeing them again soon.”

Marvin smiled with him. “Yes, you will.” There was a moment of silence as they both thought the same thing. “And I'll be able to meet them soon enough.”

Whizzer’s eyes took on a somber look. “Marvin,” he said, his voice stronger than it had been in days. Marvin held the eye contact, unsure what Whizzer was going to say. “You are going through with the treatment, right?”

Marvin looked to the ceiling. “Yes. I am. I need to,” he looked back at Whizzer. “Right?”

It was Whizzer’s turn to look at the ceiling. “Yes, you do. There’s Jason, Trina, Mendel, Charlotte and Cordelia. As much as I wish we could be together, alive, we can’t. And you dying sooner won’t do anybody any good,” Whizzer said.

“I know. I want to be with them, but I also want to be with them. Whenever I think about wanting to die so we can be together, I feel so incredibly guilty. Whenever I think about wanting stay alive so I can be there for them, I feel so incredibly guilty too. I always feel guilty, for every single thought. What am I supposed to do?” Marvin said.

Whizzer finally looked away from the ceiling and back at Marvin. “You’re supposed to stay alive. Just think of me sometimes, and I’ll be with you,” Whizzer said.

“I’ll think of you always,” Marvin said.

****

Marvin had invited everybody to the hospital. They didn’t know that everybody would be there and neither did Whizzer. Marvin wanted it to be a surprise (mostly to Whizzer, but if he told one of them, they might spill the beans).

Marvin was the first to arrive and sat down on the bed next to Whizzer and started running his hand through Whizzer’s hair.

“How are you feeling today?” Marvin asked.

Whizzer shrugged. “The same.”

Marvin nodded, his smile forced. Whizzer looked worse than ever. Which meant that he probably felt worse than ever, but wasn’t telling him.

Trina, Jason, and Mendel came a few minutes after Charlotte and Cordelia. All of them looked at Marvin confused. He had asked them to come and now they were waiting for an answer.

He wouldn’t tell them the answer. He’d simply, get down on one knee and pull the little velvet box out of his jacket pocket. Whizzer looked scared and everybody else just had pity in their eyes. 

“Whizzer, I—“

“Stop,” Whizzer said. He looked at everybody but Marvin. “Can you give us a minute?” He asked, gripping onto the bed sheets. They all nodded and left. Marvin was still on his knee.

“Whizzer, why—“

“Stop,” Whizzer interrupted again. He struggled to sit up straighter and eventually throw his legs over the side of the bed. He pushed his hand against the wall and stood up. He walked over to Marvin, who had stood up in the meantime, and placed his hands on Marvin’s shoulders. “Why are you doing this? Even if I wasn’t dying, we couldn’t get married. We’re gay.”

Marvin shook his head. “I know that. I just,” he paused.

“You just what?” Whizzer almost seemed angry.

“I just wish we could get married. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t get engaged. Nothing says we can’t get engaged,” Marvin said, placing his hands on Whizzer’s cheeks.

“But it’s ‘engaged to be married.’ We’d be,” he paused for a second, “engaged to be nothing. Marvin engagement means nothing without the possibility of marriage.”

Marvin gripped Whizzer’s face tighter. “No,” Marvin said, looking up at the ceiling for a few seconds. “No, that’s not true. It might be possible in the future!”

Whizzer shook his head. “Maybe, but not soon enough for us. It’s just not reasonable.” Whizzer looked at the door and Marvin didn’t know what to do. He just wanted to pretend that maybe someday they’d get married, but Whizzer was done pretending. Whizzer was facing death and no amount of pretending would take his mind off of that. Neither would it for Marvin, but he still wanted to try.

“Whizzer, please,” Marvin said, slowly walking Whizzer to the bed. He could tell Whizzer was running out of strength to stand. “At least let me tell you what I want to tell you.”

Whizzer shook his head. “That’ll just make it worse.”

“Why?” Marvin said, helping Whizzer into bed. He pulled the blanket up and ran his hand down the side of his face. Whizzer closed his eyes when Marvin pushed his hair back and a soft smile rested on both their faces. When Marvin’s hand left Whizzer’s hair, both their smiles vanished and Marvin repeated his question. “Why?”

“Because I want to say yes,” Whizzer whispered. His eyes were coated with tears and Marvin wanted to kiss his forehead. “I want to marry you but I don’t want your first engagement to end in,” he paused, sucking in a breath. “Death,” he finished.

“I don’t care what it ends in,” Marvin said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He relented to his desires and kissed Whizzer on the forehead, slowly, lingering there seconds longer than necessary. He craved Whizzer’s touch and soon it would be gone. He wanted to savor every moment he could. He kissed his forehead again before leaning back and running his hand through Whizzer’s hand again. Whizzer leaned into his touch. Their words pushed each other away, but their bodies just wanted to be together. Marvin wanted to lay in Whizzer’s arms and never leave or have Whizzer lay in his arms and never let go. He didn’t care which one it was, as long as it was one or the other. It would be neither. They would have to let go pretty soon.

“If you want to say yes, then do it,” Marvin said.

“No,” Whizzer said. “I don’t want you to have a dead fiancé.”

“I’ll have a dead boyfriend anyway. Why not make it a dead fiancé?” Marvin asked, his hand running up and down Whizzer’s arm.

“Because it will make it seem less serious to other people. You can get another boyfriend and—“

“Give him AIDS?” Marvin asked, and immediately regretted it.

“Why would,” Whizzer cut himself off. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know. I just,” Marvin glanced at the wall, away from Whizzer. “I don’t see myself getting into another relationship.”

“Don’t write it off completely,” Whizzer said. “You might find somebody.”

“But they won’t be you. You’re my other half.”

“Like the myth,” Whizzer said smiling. They just stared into each other’s eyes until Whizzer broke the silence. “Yes,” he said.

Marvin cocked his head to the side. “Yes what?”

“Yes, I’ll be engaged to you,” Whizzer said.

Marvin was silent for a few seconds before attacking Whizzer with countless kissed. He grabbed the little velvet box that he had placed onto the bedside table and opened it. He took out the ring and went to slip it on Whizzer’s left hand. They were both smiling and then they realized everybody was still outside.

“Should I get the others?” Marvin asked, already getting up.

Whizzer laughed slightly. “Yeah, probably. Time to tell them the good news,” Whizzer said. Marvin smiled.

Once everybody was in the room again, the atmosphere had turned incredibly awkward. Almost like they had all just seen somebody get shut down right as they wanted to propose. Oh wait, that did happen.

Marvin and Whizzer smiled at each other and everybody was confused. Whizzer held up his hand with the ring. Now, they were even more confused.

“You’re engaged?” Trina asked.

“We’re engaged,” Whizzer said, smiling at Marvin.

“Engaged to be, what exactly?” Mendel asked.

“Engaged to be dead together,” Whizzer said. Whizzer saw Jason look horrified in his peripheral vision and immediately regretted his words. “Just engaged, I mean,” Whizzer said. “Engaged for the sake of being engaged.” Jason managed an uncomfortable smile.

Cordelia all but ran over to the bed and wrapped Whizzer and Marvin in a bearhug, congratulating them excessively. Soon, they were all congratulating them and they both started feeling slightly uncomfortable. Maybe getting engaged wasn’t the best idea, but there was no going back.

****

Whizzer had to stay in the hospital that night—as much as he didn’t want to—so Marvin went home alone. He laid down in the bed and remember laying there with Whizzer countless times. He stared at the little cracks on the ceiling and the tree outside of the window. He could feel the tears stinging in his eyes. Closing his eyes, he tried to sleep just to stop his thoughts. His thoughts about Whizzer dying.

He could see Whizzer’s smile fading, his hands letting go of the white sheets, his eyes going blank. He could see everything, but he didn’t want to see anything at all. He couldn’t take it anymore.

He jumped up and grabbed The Symposium of the shelf. Flipping through the pages, he didn’t read any of it. Marvin spotted some of his favorite quotes and least favorite passages (that were still beautiful). He let his fingers clutch onto the pages and wrinkle the paper slightly. He could hear the shouting.

\- “Go to you room.”  
\- “Your room, Marvin.”

His mind was racing. He could see his father walking through the door with the groceries. He could see his mother’s smile fade when they made eye contact. He saw it happen with himself and Trina. He could feel his mind race as she looked at him. Was she seeing through him? No, of course not. He does love her. That’s enough. He saw his son being born. Jason. He saw himself wasting so much time not talking and being honest with Jason. Why did he waste all that time? 

The book dropped out of his hand as he ripped out a page. Before he knew what he was doing, he was gripping the phone and dialing Mendel’s number.

He waited, desperately, for Mendel to pick up.

“Hello?”

“Mendel, I—“

“Marvin?”

“Yes! Mendel, I need your help!”

“Now?”

Marvin thought for a second. Did he really need to steal Mendel’s night? He was about to answer with a “No,” when Mendel said, “I’m still at the office. Just come on by.”

Marvin let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

****

Marvin climbed up the stairs to Mendel’s office, gripping onto the cold, silver railing. His hands were sweating, leaving behind prints of heat and moisture on the metal. He finally reached the top and entered the waiting room. He then awkwardly ran-walked to Mendel’s door and swung the door open, only to find Trina sitting there as well. Marvin looked back into the waiting room and back at Mendel and Trina. Had he entered some sort of different dimension. Were Mendel and Trina friends?

“Marvin, don’t worry. I’m leaving,” Trina said, breaking the silence. She grabbed her bag and slipped past him through the doorway. 

“So, Marvin,” Mendel said, grabbing his notebook and stepping around his desk to sit in his chair opposite the chair Marvin was supposed to sit in. Marvin stayed standing. “What can I do for you?”

“Why was Trina here? Do you treat her too?” Marvin asked. “Isn’t that a conflict of interest?” He paused. “Somehow?”

Mendel shook his head. “No, I do not treat your ex-wife. But I do treat you, so what can I do for you?”

Marvin couldn’t linger on Trina being here for much longer; he had more important things to address.

“I think my anger is coming back,” Marvin said.

Mendel raised his eyebrows. “Really? Are you sure?”

Marvin laughed. “What you don’t believe me?”

Mendel shook his head. “Not that. I just don’t see why it would be back. Are you being honest?”

“What do you—“ Marvin said, cutting his sentence off in the middle. “I don’t understand. What does that have to do with anything?”

Mendel looked surprised for a second. “You never found the reason for your anger, did you?” Marvin laughed uncomfortably and glanced out the window. “Well,” Mendel began, opening his notebook, “I believe it the source to be dishonesty.”

Marvin gave him a confused look. “I don’t lie.”

Mendel shook his head. “Maybe not intentionally. But you have been dishonest and other people have been dishonest for you, perhaps unaware at the time.”

Marvin felt offended. “Why would lying make me angry? Wouldn’t it make more sense if somebody was lying to me?”

Mendel shook his head again. “Go through the events that you have recounted to me. You heard your wife being dishonest to her child; she knew you didn’t love her. You felt anger.” Marvin nodded, looking to the floor. That made sense, right? But that was just one time. “You lied to your wife about work when you didn’t want to spend time with her. You burned a book in the park.” Marvin nodded again. “You were angry any time you and Jason couldn’t connect. You couldn’t connect because you weren’t being honest.”

Marvin nodded a third time. “I see.”

“So, were you having another issue with your anger or were you overwhelmed?” Mendel asked.

Marvin thought for a second. He hadn’t been angry, per say, but he wasn’t happy or sad. Perhaps, overwhelmed was the best word for it. “Overwhelmed?” Mendel nodded. “But wait,” Marvin said, his eyes snapping to Mendel’s. “Why didn’t you think it was anger? It could have been.”

Mendel shrugged. “A hunch.”

Marvin rolled his eyes. “I should get a better psychiatrist.”

Mendel cracked a smile. “You really should. So, why did you feel overwhelmed?”

He couldn’t help the humorless laugh that escaped his lips. “Whizzer?”

Mendel cocked his head to the side. “Are you sure?” He closed his notebook. It was no longer a session but a discussion between friends. Marvin didn’t know how he felt about that.

“Are you going to believe anything I say?” Marvin asked, an edge to his voice.

“Do you believe it?” Marvin shook his head. “Well, then you can’t blame me for not believing.” 

Marvin managed a reluctant smile. “I suppose so. If it’s not Whizzer, then what is it?”

Mendel shrugged. “I don’t know. Being alone?” Marvin was silent. “Yes?” Mendel asked.

Marvin looked out the window. “Who wants to be alone? I married Trina so I wouldn’t be alone. I didn’t leave her until I had somebody else. And now that somebody else is leaving.”

“He is not leaving,” Mendel reminded him. “He is being forced to leave.”

“That doesn’t make it any better.” He smiled a cold smile. “My parents fought.” Marvin had already told Mendel this. “I hated it. I swore I’d never have that. But I didn’t want to end up like my father, after she left. Alone and a shell of a person. I knew it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t his fault either. They weren’t good for each other. I wanted to find somebody who was good for me.” Mendel nodded. “I found Trina. She was good, but not for me. She’s a great person, but, unfortunately, she is a woman.” They both laughed. It was silent for a few seconds. “Whizzer was good for me.”

Marvin saw Mendel’s eyes look out the window. He didn’t know what to say. The silence was palpable. “At least you met him before it was too late.”

“One might argue it was already too late,” Marvin said. They were both looking out the window now. “I should go.”

Mendel looked at Marvin as they both got up. “One thing,” Mendel said. Marvin looked at him expectantly. 

“Yes?”

“Could I—I mean, if you don’t care, mind, well—“

Marvin snapped his fingers. “Get to it Mendel.”

“Could I date your ex-wife?”

Marvin thought for a second and could see the fear in Mendel’s eyes. Also the begging. “Does she want to date you?” He asked. 

Mendel nodded. “I believe so.”

“Then go for it,” he said, walking to the door. “Before it’s too late.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!! :D


	11. Chapter 10 - Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whizzer's gone and Marvin struggles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some cursing btw. not proofread so bear with me. 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr @wafflenull (musical blog) or @autumnsettos (where I do my writing)!

Marvin woke up. He sat up and stretched his arms over his head, hearing his shoulders pop next to his ears. Then he interlaced his fingers and pushed them away from his body, stretching other parts of his back. Finally, he stood and glanced at the empty spot on the bed. He shook his head slightly to snap out of it.

Making his way to the bathroom, he ran through everything he had to do that day in his head, unaware that all his plans would have to be cancelled. He squeezed way too much toothpaste on his toothbrush and started to brush. He stared at his face in the mirror. He pulled his shoulders back, straightening his posture, and let them fall forward again after a few seconds. Resigned, he spit and washed his toothbrush. He looked back in the mirror, noting the dark spots under his eyes. When had his face become so…dead? No, not dead. Undead. Like a zombie. 

His face was not the only similarity he shared with zombies. Just as in a zombie’s case, he desired one thing only. Of course, with zombies that was brains, and Marvin was no cannibal; he wanted Whizzer to live. And just like a zombie, he had virtually no skills to make that happen. No cunning schemes to trick death into letting go of his grip on Whizzer or anything of the sort. The only thing he could do was spend as much time with Whizzer as possible.

He didn’t bother shaving that morning; he had more important things to do. He had felt that way the last week, ending up with the beginnings of a beard. Whizzer did not like it. But he did like the extra five minutes it gave them together.

Throwing on some (hopefully) clean clothes, he hurried out the door. He started driving to the hospital, disregarding the speed limit. The roads were empty, so what did it really matter? Nothing could happen. Logically, he knew that didn’t really hold true, but he sped anyway, hoping for the best.

Finally arriving at the hospital, he parked in his usual spot and basically ran towards the entrance. He passed the reception, already knowing his destination. He thought.

He hopped onto the elevator and clicked the button with the number 5. It started glowing, and the elevator lurched upwards. His phone started ringing. He contemplated not answering, unsure of who it could be and what they could want. Finally resigned, he fished his phone out of his jean pockets.

“Hello? This is Marvin.”

“Mr. Braunstein, this is Dr. Flynn. I have some bad news,” said the voice on the other end.

Marvin felt his stomach drop. “Okay.”

“I am afraid Whizzer Brown has passed away.”

“Okay.”

“My condolences, Mr. Braunstein.”

“Okay.” Marvin hung up the phone.

He clicked the button for the ground floor and leaned against the wall of the elevator. The cold of the mirror chilled his skin through his shirt. He curled his fingers into fists and stood up straight again. He reached the fifth floor. The doors closed and the down the elevator went again. 

Getting off he went to the circulation desk and waited for a nurse. “How can I help you?”

Marvin looked up and saw a smiling face of a nurse. “I was wondering,” Marvin choked out, “where do you put, I mean, keep, the um, the dead patients?”

“Those would be in the morgue in the basement. Name of patient?” The nurse said, turning to the computer.

“Whizzer. Whizzer Brown.”

“Alriiight,” the nurse said. He typed something into the computer—presumably Whizzer’s name—and then turned to Marvin. “Yes, he’d be in the morgue. Would you like to see him?”

“Um.” Marvin looked around, searching for an escape and gasping for air. He turned back to the nurse. He read his name tag, Whizzer. Wait, what? He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. William. The tag said William. “William.”

The nurse, who was waiting patiently, raised his eyebrows. “Yes?”

“I thought your tag said Whizzer. Not William,” Marvin said, his eyes fixed on something over William’s shoulder. Wide. Unblinking.

William nodded sympathetically. “Yes, my condolences. So, would you like to see him? I could accompany you. My shift ends in five, so there’s really nothing for me to do. In case you don’t want to go alone.”

Marvin’s eyes moved to William’s. “Okay.” William wasn’t bad looking. He had a nice strong jaw, sparkling green eyes.

“Alright, follow me,” William said, exiting the circulation desk and walked over to Marvin. “To the elevator.”

Marvin nodded and followed William. They got onto the elevator. William clicked the button. It lit up. The elevator doors closed. It lurched. They were going downwards. Marvin’s mind had stopped, unable to function at all; he still hadn’t blinked.

Finally arriving at the morgue, William opened the door for Marvin. “So, was Whizzer a friend, relative?”

“Friend.”

William smiled but didn’t say anything. They both stood inside the morgue, still, silent, cold.

“Oh right, sorry,” William said, walking towards the log sheets. Scanning them quickly, he walked over to the square doors in the wall and opened the third one. He pulled out the metal platform like one would pull out a sheet of cookies out of the oven.

“Here you go, Whizzer Brown.”

Marvin stared at him. His skin was gray, his eyes closed. He looked nothing like the man he knew, yet exactly the same. He felt the tears coming on and pushed them away. He made his chest turn cold and dug his fingernails into his palms until he went numb. He ran a hand through Whizzer’s soft, bouncy hair and let a smile onto his face.

“Okay.”

William took that as his cue to push Whizzer back into the little compartment and close the door. They left the morgue and started walking towards the elevator, before Marvin stopped walking. William noticed and laid a hand on Marvin’s shoulder.

“You good?” Marvin didn’t say anything, didn’t move, didn’t blink. That was the moment William realized Whizzer had been more than just a friend. William laced his fingers with Marvin and started slowly pulling him to the elevator. “It’s going to be okay. Just come with me and I’ll bring you to your car. Can you drive?”

After a painfully long pause, Marvin shook his head.

“Okay, I’ll drive you,” William said, clicked the burrow to call the elevator.

****

“You going to be okay, Marvin?” William asked, his hand resting against Marvin’s dorm frame.

“Yes.”

“Do you mind if I use your phone to call a cab?”

“Go ahead.”

Marvin walked into his living room and sat onto the couch. William walked in cautiously and looked around for a phone. “Kitchen,” Marvin said.

A few minutes passed before William came back into the living room. “You’re going to be okay, you know that right?”

“Mhm.”

“Well, I better be off,” William said.

“Okay.”

And then William left. And Marvin was alone.

****

He sat there for a few hours before he realize he hadn’t told the others. So he rung them up. Mendel. He’d tell Trina and Jason for him. Cordelia. Then Charlotte, since Cordelia was at work and couldn’t tell her any time soon. 

Marvin’s mind started to wander. Soon it arrived on Jason. Ever since Whizzer had been in the hospital, he hadn’t seen him a lot. So much for being a good and attentive father, he thought to himself. Mendel finally agreed, but said he needed the okay from Trina. Which he was sure he’d get, given the circumstances.

Marvin sat there for another few hours. Completely and absolutely fucking numb. And still alone.

****

Days passed. Marvin didn’t sleep much. Didn’t eat much. Didn’t do much of anything. He saw Jason some more but he would sit, watch TV, and Marvin would stare at the wall. 

Weeks passed. He saw Jason less because they simply didn’t do anything. Jason had tried to talk to Marvin, but nothing seemed to work. Marvin was a shell of what he once was. The only time he left the house was for his treatments. He would go to the hospital and come right back. No pitstops. Nothing. Straight back home to stare at the wall. He lost job on account of not going, as one would expect. Marvin didn’t care.

Three months passed. And then came a wedding invitation to the wedding of Trina and Mendel. Marvin used all his strength for the day by RSVPing “yes.” He went outside, dropped it in his car for the next time he’d go to the hospital. He just find some random post office on the way and drop it off then.

****

More time passed, Marvin still occupied by the wall and his treatments, until finally it was the day of the wedding.

Marvin reluctantly roller out of bed and crawled into the shower. Surrounded by the cold white tiles, he felt part of his facade drip away down the drain with the steaming water. He hadn’t cried yet. He hadn’t let himself. But slowly it wasn’t just the shower water on his face. His face was pressed against the wall, the hot water hitting his side, as his clawed at the wall. Sobs tore through his body.

He stepped out of the shower an hour later and didn’t towel himself off. He stood on his bathmat, the cold sending shivers through his body. His face was in his hands, and the tears just kept coming. He stood there until he was freezing before he grabbed the towel and wrapped it around himself. But the tears still kept coming.

He put on his black suit and combed through his hair, not bothering to blow dry it. If it dried in a funny way, then so be it.

He made sure he had what he needed before going to his car. He drove alone, Jason going with Charlotte and Cordelia. He still hadn’t stopped crying, making the road blurry, but he barely noticed the tears dripping down his face anymore. This was his constant state now, face wet with tears and eyes red with burning. At one point the sobs returned, and he had to pull over. He fingers curled around the steering wheel so tightly that when he eventually let go, he could barely move them. He rested his face against the inner part of the wheel and just let the sobs tear through him. His shoulders ached and he had a splitting headache. He grabbed the (probably week old) water bottle and started drinking, holding it in his sore fingers. It was impossible to cry while drinking, and all he wanted was a second to compose himself, so he drank the water.

Finally able to pull the bottle from his lips, he took a deep breath and brought his car back onto the road. Time for a wedding!

****

Marvin sat in his seat on Trina’s side and watched them read their vows to each other. He managed to piece his faced back together and his eyes remained dry. By the end of the ceremony he had managed to return to his state of numbness. If he hadn’t, he would not have made it through the ceremony with dry eyes.

He kept imagining himself and Whizzer up there, fully aware that would never, never happen. They were engaged but that was the extent of that. And Marvin knew that but he had still hoped that he was wrong, that Whizzer wrong, that all the doctors were wrong. He had still hoped they’d spend the rest of their life together. But that hope was dumb He was dumb. “I am so dumb,” he whispered to himself as the bride and groom kissed. “Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.”

One of the guests caught his eye, giving him a judgmental look, but Marvin didn’t care.

Then, Trina and Mendel walked back up the aisle together and towards the reception. Then the guests got up and followed them. Marvin stayed seated. He stared at the wall, which was covered in pink flowers. A few minutes passed before he heard the doors open and the clicking of heels. Soon somebody was sitting next to him, but his eyes remained on the flowers. God, how he wished he had sent Whizzer more flowers.

“Hi, Marv.” It was Cordelia.

“Delia,” Marvin said, his eyes, once again, unblinking.

“It’s going to be okay. You know that right? You’re going to be okay again,” she said, laying a hand on his shoulder.

“No, I don’t know that. In fact I know that opposite: nothing is ever going to be okay again!” spluttered out of Marvin’s mouth before he even knew what he was saying.

Cordelia stared at Marvin, clearly taken aback. “Marvin—“

“—No, Delia. No. Just go. Go and leave me alone,” he said, cutting her off and throwing as much venom into his voice as he could.

Cordelia blinked a few times, before she moved her hand from his arm and wrapped her arm around him. She rubbed up and down his arm a few times, before slowly getting up and walking away. Every single click and clack of her heels sent holts of pain up Marvin’s spine. Every since little click made him want to punch the wall and every single clack made him want to tear his eyes off. Finally the door slammed, causing Marvin to jump in his seat with irritation.

A few more minutes passed—just they always would now. He wouldn’t enjoy life, it would simply pass him by, minute by minute—before he got up and made his way to the reception. A quick congratulations to the newly weds and he would leave.

So that’s what he did. He hugged both Trina and Mendel, managing an expression that resembled a smile, and made his way back to his car. 

“Dad!”

Marvin stayed still, standing in front of his car, despite Jason’s shouting. It’s not that he didn’t want to turn and talk to his one and only son, it’s that simply couldn’t. He could barely manage to do anything of late, and that included interacting with his own son. After all, an object at rest tends to stay at rest; and Marvin was completely and totally at rest. 

“Dad!” He still didn’t move. “MARVIN!”

Marvin felt Jason’s shut reverberate in his chest. It was enough to set him into motion. He turned towards Jason and started walking.

“Yes?” His voice was eerily calm. 

“You’re seriously leaving?” Jason’s face was contorted with anger. His eyebrows were drawn together while the streetlights surrounding the parking lot cast his eyes in complete darkness. His shoulders were curled forwards and his hands in fists.

Marvin nodded, not able to form words. 

Jason lifted his foot to take a step forward but immediately put it back down, not wanting to come any closer. He shook his head, while a dark laugh escaped his lips. “I really thought you’d be different. I thought you really meant it when you said you’d be more open with me.” An even darker smile found its way to his lips, his eyes still in complete darkness. “I thought wrong. You’re still the asshole you always were and always will be. You’re not the only one affected by Whizzer’s d—by Whizzer leaving.” The smile momentarily left his face and was replaced with a biting of his bottom lip. But he recovered. “We’d be here to help you. But you don’t care. You only care about yourself.”

Marvin nodded, not saying anything. His heart was aching but his mouth was unwilling to say all that he wanted to—needed to—say.

Jason, taking Marvin’s nod and silence as indifference, let his head fall back. The light was cast on his eyes, freeing them from the darkness. Marvin saw pure and agonizing madness. Hurt. Anger. He let his head fall back into place and his eyes were back in utter darkness. “I wish it had been you and not Whizzer.” He didn’t scream it. He didn’t raise his voice in the slightest. He almost whispered it, but it was still loud enough for Marvin to hear.

Jason waited for something. Anything. But, of course, there was nothing. Not a flicker of emotion on Marvin’s face. Not a twitch in his hands. Not a tear in his eye. Not an opening of the mouth for a word to escape. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Jason laughed mirthlessly again. He turned around and walked away, completely and utterly resigned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!! I really appreciate any feedback, along with kudos!!! <3
> 
> Thanks for reading :D !


	12. Chapter 11 - Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marvin turns over a new leaf and talks to Jason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I kinda lost the motivation for this but wanted to finish it, so it's "done." not my finest chapter but I hope you enjoy anyway!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: @wafflenull (musicals) @autumnsettos (pretty inactive writing blog)

The doorbell rang. “Come in,” Marvin thought, but the words didn’t come out. He tried again, but his mouth remained closed. His chest started to fill with a knot, making tears sting in his eyes. Soon, he heard the door open. He felt ashamed.  
“Hey, Marvin,” he heard Trina say tentatively. “We’re here to pick up Jason.”

Marvin nodded and managed to gather enough strength to point towards Jason’s room. Despite staying with him for the past week, they hadn’t spoken more than the absolutely necessary words. Marvin wasn’t surprised; what else could he have expected after Jason’s outbreak at the wedding. He wanted to do something, but he couldn’t.

Trina smiled at him, pity abundant in her eyes. She made her way down the hallway to Jason. Mendel stayed behind.

“Hey, bud,” Mendel said, sitting down beside Marvin. “How are you doing?”

Marvin just nodded.

“You haven’t been to any of our sessions in a while.”

Marvin nodded again.

“Come today.” It wasn’t a question, and Marvin didn’t have the energy to argue. And besides, he could just not go again, like he has for the past months.

Trina came back, Jason beside her, and Mendel got up to leave with them. After saying goodbye with no response from Mendel, they went out the door. He sat there for a few more hours. He eyes focused and unfocused. At one point, he moved his head, trying to loosen a kink in his neck, and his eyes caught sight of his bookshelf. The Symposium. He thought of Socrates, the object of affection from two men, and remembered craving that as a child. He wanted the attention of boys but for some reason, it was the girls that paid attention to him.

Suddenly, he was in the kitchen standing over a pile of broken dishes. He glanced at the clock. It had been four hours since Jason had left. He grabbed the keys off the kitchen counter and raced out the door. He had fifteen minutes and a twenty minute drive. Speeding never hurt anyone.

He managed to shave three minutes off his time, but that was still two minutes too late. He ran into the building, forgetting to lock the car. He ran through the waiting room and started pounding on Mendel’s office door.

“Mendel! Open up! Mendel!!” He shouted. Then there was a hand on his shoulder.

“Déjà vu, huh?” Mendel said, grinning ear to ear. “Glad I don’t have donut.” 

Against all odds, Marvin found himself smiling. Genuinely. But it faded. Quickly.

“So, what brings you here?”

“The beautiful plants,” Marvin said, pointing around. Mendel rolled his eyes. “For the therapy, you dumbass.” Just being in this office made Marvin feel more like himself. And he was afraid it would stop any second.

“Come on in.” He unlocked his office door and walked in, grabbing a file from his drawer. “So, talk.”

****

Marvin and Mendel talked. Well, Marvin talked, and Mendel listened. But that wasn’t enough. Mendel wasn’t the only one Marvin had to talk to. Jason. There was still Jason. Quick but heartfelt apologies for the others. But Jason. Jason needed more, /much more.

****

He rang the bell at Trina and Mendel’s house and stood there. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. And then the door opened. It was Trina. He pushed in past her, not responding to her greeting. He walked into Jason’s room.

“Dad. What the hell? Get out of here!”

“No.”

Jason stood up from his chair. “You’re actually talking now? Wow.”

“Jason, I’m sorry,” Marvin said. He could feel his resolve leaving. He felt like crawling back into a hole, staring into nothingness.

“Well, you know what, Dad?” He basically spat the last word. “That’s not enough. You promised me and then you broke that promise.”

Marvin nodded. That hole was seeming more and more appealing by the second. “I know. But can you blame me?”

“Yes! YES! I can, because you DID IT!” Jason said, grabbing at his hair. “I don’t give a shit about the circumstance, Dad,” he didn’t spit the word out that time, his voice broke on it. “We all lost somebody. And yes, I know that you knew him the longest and probably the most, but I’m still your son. And you abandoned me for, for, for nothing. Nothing. He was gone and always will be gone and that’s when you abandoned me. I had no explanation. There was nothing you were running to that was in the, the opposite direction of me. You were running to nothing. Nothing. You were running away from me.”

Marvin listened to Jason, letting the words wash over him. Some of it could have been phrased better, but Marvin knew he wasn’t a lyrical genius when he was upset.

“Jason.” Jason looked at him expectantly. “I am sorry. You’re right. It was a bullshit excuse. But I am sorry.”

Jason nodded. Marvin could tell Jason didn’t know what to do. Forgive him? Hold the grudge? Marvin stepped closer. “Can I hug you?”

Jason took a step back. “I, I don’t, I don’t know.” There were tears in his eyes. “How can I trust you won’t abandon me again?”

“Jason, son, I never abandoned you. Or I never thought I did. I knew I wasn’t treating you right, but I could never did what I wanted to do. I wanted to say things, to apologize, but I never was able to. I couldn’t follow through. And I know, that’s another shit excuse, but it’s true. I wish I could have kept my promise, but please, please, let me try again. Let me keep it. I know I will this time.”

“Yes.”

Marvin dared to let himself hope. It wasn’t that much of a risk, how could “yes” be a bad thing? “Yes, what?”

“Yes, you can try again. And you can hug me.” Marvin felt his face explode with tears and laughter. And he enveloped his son in a hug.

****

When Marvin got back home, he sat down on his sofa again, his eyes on the bookshelf. His eyes caught the thin book. The Symposium.

He got up and took it off the shelf. Then sat back down, opening up to his favorite part. Aristophanes. It was his favorite only partly due to it being a dirty joke. Eternal sex, Marvin liked the sound of that. But that was only a small part of his reason. He loved the idea of another half. He always felt incomplete. He felt like his parents weren’t parts that fit together. But he realized that he was wrong. You fit together because you make each other feel like a whole person. Whizzer made him feel like a whole person.

But, after reading Aristophanes’s part, he read the rest, too. While he read, he thought of his family, his friends. He thought of the loves of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyy if you got all the way here, that means you're at the end of this story and I'm so grateful to you for having read this entire thing.
> 
> Thank you for reading!! Kudos and Comments are Greatly appreciated! Hmu with that feedback.
> 
> wafflenull out <3


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